Liberalism is a Mental Disorder --- Dominic Burford <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: > > The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all > summer long, building and > improving his house and laying up supplies for the > winter. The grasshopper > thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays > the summer away. Come > winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. > > The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so > he dies out in the > cold. > > THE END > > > THE BRITISH VERSION: > > The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all > summer long, building his > house and laying up supplies for the winter. The > grasshopper thinks he's a > fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer > away. Come winter, the > squirrel is warm and well fed. > > A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, > calls a press conference > and demands to know why the squirrel should be > allowed to be warm and well > fed while others less fortunate, like the > grasshopper, are cold and > starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage > of the shivering > grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in > his comfortable warm > home with a table laden with food. > > The British press inform people that they should be > ashamed that in a > country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is > allowed to suffer so while > others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, > Animal Rights and The > Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of > the squirrel's house. The > BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from > Notting Hill with > breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir > singing "We Shall > Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview > with Trevor McDonald that > the squirrel has got rich off the backs of > grasshoppers, and calls for an > immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay > his "fair share" and > increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner > London. > > In response to pressure from the media, the > Government drafts the Economic > Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, > retroactive to the beginning > of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. > He is taken to court and > fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders > for the work he was doing > on his home and an additional fine for contempt when > he told the court the > grasshopper did not want to work. > > The grasshopper is provided with a council house, > financial aid to furnish > it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure > he can be socially > mobile. > > The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to > the more needy members of > society, in this case the grasshopper. > > Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the > fine and his newly imposed > retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and > start building a new > home. The local authority takes over his old home > and utilises it as a > temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had > hijacked a plane to get to > Britain as they had to share their country of origin > with mice. On arrival > they have tried to blow up the airport because of > Britain's apparent love of > dogs. > > The cats had been arrested for the international > offence of hijacking and > attempt bombing but were immediately released > because the police fed them > pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. > Initial moves to then return > them to their own country were abandoned because it > was feared they would > face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a > scam to obtain money > from peoples credit cards. > > A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing > up the last of the > squirrels's food, though Spring is still months > away, while the council > house he is in, crumbles around him because he > hasn't bothered to maintain > the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. > Inadequate government funding is > blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'. > > The cats seek recompense in the British courts for > their treatment since > arrival in UK. > > The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old > dog during a burglary to > get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but > released immediately > because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He > is placed in the care of > the probation service to monitor and supervise him. > Within a few weeks he > has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. > > A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost > £10,000,000 and state the > obvious, is set up. > > Additional money is put into funding a drug > rehabilitation scheme for > grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing > asylum seekers is > increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by > the government for > enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs > are criticised by the > government for failing to befriend the cats. > > The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual > sections of the press > blame it on the obvious failure of government to > address the root causes of > despair arising from social inequity and his > traumatic experience of prison. > They call for the resignation of a minister. > > The cats are paid a million pounds each because > their rights were infringed > when the government failed to inform them there were > mice in the United > Kingdom. > > The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the > hijacking, the bombing, the > burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional > percentage on their > credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are > increased to pay for law and > order and they are told that they will have to work > beyond 65 because of a > shortfall in government funds. > > THE END > > Regards > > Dominic Burford BSc Hons MBCS CITP > Third Party Developer Program Senior Software > Engineer > > * Tel: +44 (0) 1536 495074 > * dominic.burford > <BLOCKED::mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > @pegasus.co.uk > > "I conclude that there are two ways of constructing > a software design: One way is to make it so simple > there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other > way is to make it so complicated that there are no > obvious deficiencies." -- Tony Hoare, Turing Award > Lecture 1980 > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ > Pegasus Software Limited is an Infor company. > > This e-mail is from Pegasus Software Limited. The > e-mail and any files transmitted with it are > confidential and intended solely for the use of the > individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you > have received this e-mail in error you must not > copy, distribute or take any action in reliance on > it. === message truncated === Sigmund Freud Sez: Liberalism is a Mental Disorder http://www.cafepress.com/rightwingmike/1821475 Right Wing Stuff at http://www.cafepress.com/rightwingmike _______________________________________________ Post Messages to: [email protected] Subscription Maintenance: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profox OT-free version of this list: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profoxtech ** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
