Have not seen many jokes here for a while. > One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law > a cemetery plot > > as a Christmas gift.. > > The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. > > When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you > still haven't used the > > gift I bought you last year!" > > And that's how the fight started..... > > > > ================ > > > > I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our > anniversary?' > > It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet > appreciation. > > 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long > time!' she said. > > So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' > > And that's when the fight started.... > > > > > ================ > > > > > > > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A > Millionaire while we were > > in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to > have sex?' > > 'No,' she answered. > > I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' > > She didn't even look at me this time, simply > saying 'Yes.' > > So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a > friend.' > > And that's when the fight started.... > > > > > ================ > > > I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller > Light for $14.95. > > Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I > told her the beer > > would make her look better at night than the cold > cream. > > And that's when the fight started...... > > > > > ================ > > > > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some > reason, took my order > first.. > > 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, > please.' > > He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad > cow?' > > 'Nah, she can order for herself.' > > And that's when the fight started..... > > > ================ > > > > > > > My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was > flipping > > the channels. > > She asked, 'What's on TV?' > > I said, 'Dust.' > > And then the fight started... > > > ================ > > > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our > upcoming > > anniversary. > > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from > 0 to > > 200 in about 3 seconds.' > > I bought her a scale. > > And then the fight started... > > > ================ > > > My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high > school > > reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man > swigging his drink as > > he sat alone at a nearby table. > > I asked her, 'Do you know him?' > > > 'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old > boyfriend... > > I understand he took to drinking right after we split > up those many years > ago, and > > I hear he hasn't been sober since.' > > 'My God!' I said, 'who would think a > > person could go on celebrating that long?' > > > And then the fight started... > > > ================ > > > > I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were > > alongside the road and slowly the other driver got > out of his car. You > know > > how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little > things just seem > > funny? > > Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a > DWARF!!! > > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and > shouted, > > 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' > > So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then > which one are you?' > > And then the fight started... > > > ================ > > > SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST….. > > > > THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER > > > When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my > wife > > kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. > > But, somehow I always had something else to take care > of > > first, the truck, the car, playing golf, > > Always something more important to me. > > > Finally she thought of a clever way to make her > point. When > > I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the > tall grass, > > busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing > scissors. > > I watched silently for a short time and then went > into the > > house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out > again I handed > > her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish > cutting the grass, > > you might as well sweep the driveway.' > > > The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always > have a > limp. > > >
-- Stephen Russell Sr. Production Systems Programmer SQL Server DBA Web and Winform Development Independent Contractor Memphis TN 901.246-0159 _______________________________________________ Post Messages to: [email protected] Subscription Maintenance: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profox OT-free version of this list: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profoxtech Searchable Archive: http://leafe.com/archives/search/profox This message: http://leafe.com/archives/byMID/profox/[email protected] ** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
