mas gunawan, ini saya coba bantu ya..saya udah gunakan dan berhasil...semoga 
bisa membantu anda..

Di Reference tambahkan :
    Microsoft SQLDMO object library

di form load tambahkan perintah :
    Dim ocn As New SQLDMO.SQLServer

'untuk start sql server

On Error GoTo ens
Dim ocn As New SQLDMO.SQLServer
    If ocn.AutoReConnect = False Then
        ocn.AutoReConnect = True
        Else
            ocn.AutoReConnect = False
    End If
    Dim dsn, pass As String
    dsn = frmkoneksi.txtds
    pass = frmkoneksi.Text2
    ocn.Start False, dsn, "sa", pass
    MsgBox "SQL Server Telah Active", vbInformation, "Server Telah Aktive"
    Set ocn = Nothing

ens:
    If ocn.AutoReConnect = True Then
        ocn.AutoReConnect = False
        Else
            ocn.AutoReConnect = True
    End If
    MsgBox "SQL Server Telah Active", vbInformation, "Server Telah Aktive"
    Set ocn = Nothing


'untuk stop sql server

    cn.Execute "SHUTDOWN"
    MsgBox "SQL Server Telah Non Active", vbInformation, "Server Telah Non 
Active"
    Set cn = Nothing


ok.. selamat mencoba ya...GBU


       
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