Not the exact article you are looking for, but in the genre: http://www.jsoftware.com/papers/eem/Empty_Array_Jokes.htm
Some recent contributions: http://www.jsoftware.com/papers/APLQA.htm#empty_array On Tue, Apr 3, 2012 at 9:36 AM, Raul Miller <rauldmil...@gmail.com > wrote: > On Mon, Apr 2, 2012 at 6:51 AM, Edward Mokurai Cherlin > <moku...@sugarlabs.org > wrote: > > This is the sort of thing that got me my own entry in Stan > > Kelly-Bootle's Computer Contradictionary, along with a two-page > > article consisting entirely of empty array jokes for use in teaching, > > as suggested by Jim Brown, then of IBM; and winning one of Stan's > > programming contests in Unix Review. > > Is that two page article of empty array jokes available anywhere > online? > > If not, are the copyright terms such that they could be posted? > > (I have tried searching for such things and not found that article.) > > Thanks, > > -- > Raul I found my Empty Array Joke article in my archive of APL News, Vol. 21, #4, from 1989. We should add this to the J archive. The next paragraph does not contain any jokes. The one after does. It is very easy to prove that any computable function can be expressed in one line of APL, as I showed in APL News, Vol. 21, No. 1. A slightly trickier problem is to prove that a program for any computable function can be written in APL using only empty arrays. Without nesting, empty arrays have only shape and type, but with nesting they can have prototypes, allowing much greater variety of data structures. LISP has one empty array, commonly known as NIL and written (); almost all other programming languages have none. I have been playing with APL2 on the PC, and it has gotten me to thinking about Jim Brown's Great Empty Array Joke contest of 1981 in Quote-Quad, the results of which are included as Appendix D in APL2 at a Glance. Empty Array Jokes deal with various forms of emptiness, nothingness and non-existence. After a promising start, Quote-Quad settled down to reprinting the same empty array of Empty Array Jokes over and over again. I have built up a modest collection over the years, and here they are, along with some new ones. Number one is reminiscent of Jim Brown's original example, which he used in APL classes to introduce empty arrays. All of these jokes can in fact be used to teach the concept. 1. Mrs. Allen: I saw your husband and he didn't look happy. Mrs. Wills: Yes, he's very sad. He lost $10,000. The price of pigs went up and he didn't have a one. Jim says every collection has to have one of these, so here it is. 2. How many FORTRAN programmers does it take to screw in an empty array of light bulbs? ERROR INVALID DECLARATION But don't worry, that's a hardware problem anyway. Martin Gardner's Mathematical Games column in Scientific American once had something very like the next set. I don't have the reference. 3. A. There was a young man from Purdue Whose limericks stopped at line two. B. There was a young man from Verdun. C. Speaking of limericks, here is an oldie: 4. There was a decrepit named Peter Who went down to look at the meter. His match struck a leak, He was gone for a week, And as you can tell just by reading this it totally destroyed the meter. This old Jewish joke has appeared on Sesame Street with Grover as the waiter. [Eddie Murphy told this in Yiddish dialect after the end of Coming to America. When the barbershop patrons don't get it he ends, "Ah, vadda you know from FUNNY?!"] 5. Diner: Waiter, I can't eat this soup! I don't-- Waiter: Why not, sir? Is it too hot? Is it not seasoned right? Diner: No, no, the soup is fine. It's just-- Waiter: Well, sir, I don't understand. If there is nothing wrong with the soup, why can't you eat it? Diner: All right, then, why don't you try it? Waiter: Certainly. Now where is the spoon, sir? Diner: Aha!! And speaking of old Jewish jokes, they used to tell this one in Poland. 6. When you tell a peasant a joke, he laughs three times: when you tell him the joke, when you explain it to him, and when he finally gets it. A landowner only laughs twice, when you tell him the joke and when you explain it, because the landowners don't understand anything. An army officer only laughs once, when you tell him the joke, because you can't explain anything to an army officer, and as for getting it, forget it. Now a Jew, when you tell him a joke, he doesn't laugh at all. He says, "Go on, that's an _old_ one," and he can tell it better. Also from Poland: 7. Two friends were talking about the new telegraph system, and one tried to explain it like this: "The telegraph is just like if you had a big dog with its tail in Warsaw, and its head in Cracow. When you want to send a message, you just pull the dog's tail in Warsaw and he barks in Cracow. You see?" "All right, yes, I understand that, but what I want to know is how you get a message the other way." "That's easy. You pat the dog's head in Cracow and he wags his tail in Warsaw." Many years later, the same two friends were discussing the radio, or "wireless telegraph", and had this discussion. "I don't understand all this talk about the wireless telegraph that I've been hearing." "Well, look. You remember how I explained to you about the telegraph, with the big dog?" "Yes, I remember that, but what does that have to do with the wireless?" "Well, the wireless works exactly the same as the telegraph, but without the dog." Another old one that Sesame Street used: 8. Newsboy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Four People Fooled! Ernie: That sounds interesting. Give me a paper. Hey! I don't see anything about people being fooled. Newsboy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! FIVE People Fooled! Ernie: I think I just made the headlines. Alan Perlis told this at APL83 as a virtual memory joke, but it was never submitted for the contest. 9. Two workmen were digging a ditch. Worker 1: Say, what are we going to do with all of this dirt when we're done here? Worker 2: Easy, we'll dig another ditch right alongside and shovel it in. Worker 1: But what about the dirt from that ditch? Worker 2: We'll dig another ditch for that. Worker 1: Oh, OK. (A moment later) Hey, wait a minute! What about the dirt from that ditch? Worker 2: Idiot! That one we dig twice as big! And on that subject: 10. Q: How much dirt is there in a circular hole two feet deep and one foot across? A: Do you think I'm an idiot? Q: All right then, how much dirt can you put in an empty hole two feet deep and one foot across? A: If it's perfectly round, the answer would be 2 pi cubic feet. Q: No, if you put any dirt at all in, the hole won't be empty. I have heard the following bit of dialogue somewhere, but I can't think where. M11. "I want you to forget all about this conversation." "What conversation?" "Good." Next, two examples from the British cartoon, Danger Mouse. 12. Legionnaire: I joined the Foreign Legion to forget. DM: To forget what? Legionnaire: I don't know; I have forgotten. Penfold: Nice to see it worked out for you. 13. Danger Mouse (to rogue computer): Try computing this! (to Penfold) I say, I say, I say, Penfold. Penfold: What is that, DM? DM: My dog has no nose. Penfold: Your dog has no nose? Then how does it smell? DM: Terrible! Computer: Illogical! (explodes) Here are two examples, including a particularly dense set, from the old BBC radio series, The Goon Show (Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Spike Milligan; scripts by Spike Milligan). From Yehti, March 8, 1955: 14. Sir Hercules Grytpype-Thynne, plausible public school villain and cad (Sellers): Mr. Seagoon, the Yehti has been sighted on the moors in Kent. Neddy Seagoon, impersonator of idiots (Secombe): But, but, but there are no moors in Kent! Grytpype: Precisely. That's the problem. You see, the Yehti has the power to capture men's minds. So of course we immediately thought of you. Seagoon: Well, you may call me a coward if you like, but I'm not going. Grytpype: There's a reward of ten thousand pounds for its capture. Seagoon: How dare you call me a coward! And from Tales of Old Dartmoor, February 7, 1956: 15. Thynne: Allow me to introduce myself. My card. Seagoon: But this is blank! Thynne: Business is bad. This one came in a flyer in the mail while I was working on this article. From Mathematical Maxims and Minims, Rome Press. 16. Student: Is Juan in the empty set? Professor: No Juan is in the empty set. There are also children's riddles and stories. 17. Mother: What are you looking for, Jimmy? Jimmy: I'm looking for a dime. Mother: Where did you lose the dime? Jimmy: I didn't lose it. I just want one. 18. Sally: Have you heard the one about the two holes in the ground? Pete: No. How does it go? Sally: Well, well. And for our finale, the ultimate knock-knock joke. 19. Friend: Do you want to hear the ultimate knock-knock joke? Me: Sure. Friend: OK, go ahead. Me: Knock, knock. Friend?: Who's there? -- Edward Mokurai (默雷/निशब्दगर्ज/نشبدگرج) Cherlin Silent Thunder is my name, and Children are my nation. The Cosmos is my dwelling place, the Truth my destination. http://wiki.sugarlabs.org/go/Replacing_Textbooks ---------------------------------------------------------------------- For information about J forums see http://www.jsoftware.com/forums.htm
