http://www.faithfreedom.org/Testimonials/MehrAliKhan.htm My Journey to Freedom by Meher Ali Khan 2006/02/25 Perjalanan Saya Menuju Kebebasan oleh Meher Ali Khan 25-02-2006 When on the otherwise fine morning of 9/11, I switched on the TV and witnessed two planes hit the WTC with the building falling apart like a pack of card I was amazed, stunned and delighted. A fitting response for the evil US foreign policy, especially towards Palestine. There was no doubt in my mind that this event must have been orchestrated by a Muslim group, most likely by Osama bin Laden but all that played in my mind was that it was all justified; it was necessary to teach America a lesson. Yet, I was never a fan of bin Laden - I would never have wanted his ideology take hold in my own country. Pada pagi 11 September yang seharusnya pagi yang baik, saya menghidupkan TV dan menyaksikan dua pesawat menabrak WTC dan gedung itu runtuh terpecah seperti satu pak kartu, saya kagum, terbengong-bengong dan gembira. Balasan setimpal untuk kebijakan luarnegeri Amerika yang jahat, terutama terhadap Palestina. Tidak ada keraguan dalam benak saya bahwa kejadian ini dilakukan oleh grup Muslim, kemungkinan besar oleh Osama bin Laden tetapi yang terbayang dibenak saya adalah semua itu pantas, itu perlu untuk menghukum Amerika. Tapi, saya bukanlah penggemar bin Laden, saya tidak pernah menginginkan ideologinya menguasai negara saya. As the first reaction, I jumped up, out of delight, with a loud exclamatory noise. My housemate, a Hindu guy, came out to my shouting. He had already had a glimpse of event. He naturally did not enjoy my delight and glum faced he just went back to his room to get ready for rushing to work. He probably knew it was useless to talk with this folk. Probably he was too depressed to talk about this appalling event. Sebagai reaksi pertama, saya melompat gembira, berikut dengan pekikan keras. Teman serumah, seorang Hindu, keluar karena teriakan saya. Ia telah melihat peristiwa itu sekilas. Secara alamiah ia tidak menyukai kegembiraan saya dan dengan wajah sedih ia kembali ke kamarnya bersiap-siap bekerja. Ia mungkin tahu, percuma bicara dengan orang-orang ini. Mungkin ia terlalu tertekan untuk membicarakan kejadian menjijikan ini. Next few weeks, I spent explaining to my mates and colleagues about how US has been killing the Palestinians, US's bad policies towards the Islamic world, US sanctions on Iraq, US troops bases in Saudi Arabia and what not. Beberapa minggu berikutnya, saya menghabiskan waktu menjelaskan ke teman-teman saya tentang bagaimana Amerika membunuh bangsa Palestina, kebijakan buruk Amerika terhadap dunia Islam, sanksi Amerika pada Irak, pasukan Amerika yang bermarkas di Arab Saudi dan lain-lain. This is what I was doing despite the fact that I was hardly a Muslim. Although born to religious parents in South Asia I was never pressed to follow religious rituals and neither did I ever bother to engage myself in those stuffs. My only religious devotion was intermittent praying on Friday Juma and on the 2 yearly days of Eid. I would do fasting only on those days I would be invited for Iftar (fast-breaking) party by friend and relatives. Hindus have been my good friends, as exemplified my having a Hindu housemate. Yet, that's the kind of reaction I had of the 9/11 attack. I kind of celebrated the tragic event of killing so many innocent people who had nothing to do with Palestine or US foreign policy. Inilah yang saya lakukan biarpun saya bukan benar-benar Muslim. Biarpun dilahirkan dari orangtua beragama di Asia Selatan, saya tidak pernah dipaksa mengikuti ritual agama dan saya juga tidak pernah berpikir untuk melakukan ritual. Satu-satunya ritual keagamaan saya adalah kadang-kadang sembahyang Jumat dan sembahyang dua hari Idul Adha tahunan. Saya berpuasa hanya dihari-hari saya akan diundang buka-puasa bersama oleh teman dan sanak keluarga. Orang-orang Hindu menjadi teman saya misalnya teman serumah saya orang Hindu. Tapi, itulah reaksi saya pada serangan 11 September. Saya seperti merayakan kejadian tragis pembunuhan demikian banyak orang tak bersalah yang tak ada hubungan apapun dengan Palestina maupun kebijakan luarnegeri Amerika. In a week after 9/11 attack, I called a childhood friend back home who could not pass his 10th grade but was a pious person. I was in a goading mood while discussing the WTC attack with him. He was rather cold to my zeal. He was indeed concerned that US might start deporting the Muslims, as rumors were rife. He had depended on me for financial help from time to time. He knows that my family and a host of relatives and friends depend on me for money regularly. All he said, "I don't care whether Palestinians die or not. Palestinians are never going to come with money for your family or for me. Neither are we going to come to help the Palestinians even if they die of hunger. Your staying in the US is important for your family, relatives and friends. Make sure, you don't get into troubles." Seminggu setelah serangan 11 September, saya menelpon teman sejak kecil di negera asal saya, ia tidak lulus kelas 10 tapi adalah orang yang alim. Saya bersemangat mendiskusikan serangan WTC. Ia kurang bersemangat. Ia kuatir Amerika akan mulai mendeportasi Muslim, karena rumor sangat banyak. Ia bergantung pada bantuan keuangan saya dari waktu ke waktu. Ia tahu keluarga saya dan sanak keluarga dan teman-teman secara teratur bergantung keuangan pada saya. Semua yang dikatakannya "Saya tak peduli orang Palestina mati atau tidak. Orang Palestina tak akan pernah datang membawa uang untuk keluargamu dan untuk saya. Juga kita tidak akan datang membantu orang Palestina bahkan jika mereka mati atau kelaparan. Kamu tinggal di Amerika adalah hal yang penting untuk keluargamu, sanak keluarga dan teman-teman. Yakinkan, kamu menghindari perkara." I was rather disappointed with his cold response to my elation of the 9/11 event. I had already called my parents the day-after 9/11 and obviously had described the event with glee. They too were not so interested. They are not well-educated people. They dont keep up with the world. They hardly bothered to know whats happening in Palestine. They reminded me not to get into troubles - they depended on my staying in the US. Getting a check at the end of the month from me was the most important thing what is happening to Palestinian hardly bore any importance to them. I was disappointed with the callous responses of my friend and my parents towards the Muslim brothers in Palestine. Saya agak kecewa dengan respon dinginnya atas semangat saya pada kejadian 11 September. Saya telah menelpon orang tua saya sehari setelah 11 September dan menerangkan secara jelas kejadian itu dengan gembira. Mereka juga tidak tertarik. Mereka adalah orang-orang tak berpendidikan. Mereka tidak mengikuti perkembangan dunia. Mereka hampir tak peduli apa yang terjadi di Palestina. Mereka mengingatkan saya untuk tidak mencari perkara, mereka bergantung pada kehadiran saya di Amerika. Mendapat cheque di akhir bulan dari saya adalah hal yang terpenting, apa yang terjadi di Palestina hampir tidak berarti bagi mereka. Saya kecewa dengan respon teman-teman dan orang tua saya yang tidak sensitif terhadap saudara-saudara Muslim di Palestina. I called my brothers and quite surprisingly they were as elated as I was. I felt very good talking to them. My brothers were well educated in science and well-respected people in the locality unlike my friend and my parents. I felt quite happy talking to them that my brothers at least cared for the undeserved suffering of people in Palestine. I thought they were educated so they responded to the call of their conscience. Justice mattered for them. I felt proud they have become truly educated and conscientious human being. I didn't talk to my friend for some times after that. Saya menelpon saudara-saudara saya dan cukup mengejutkan, mereka juga bergembira seperti saya. Rasanya enak berbicara dengan mereka. Saudara-saudara saya berpendidikan baik di ilmu pengetahuan dan orang-orang yang dihargai di lingkungan lokal tidak seperti teman saya dan orang tua saya. Saya merasa cukup gembira bicara dengan mereka, paling tidak mereka perhatian pada orang Palestina yang tak patut menderita. Saya kira mereka berpendidikan jadi mereka respon pada panggilan hati nurani mereka. Keadilan berarti buat mereka. Saya merasa bangga mereka benar-benar berpendidikan dan manusia berhati nurani. Saya tidak bicara dengan teman saya beberapa waktu sejak itu. As I was looking for all sorts of news on the web, I stumbled on to this website www.faithfreedom.org (FFI) about a month after 9/11. First time, I came across such a site. I took a couple of days reading and I was extremely disappointed and angry with Dr. Ali Sina and other writers on the site. Quickly I took a few pennames and started writing all sorts of abusive comments against FFI and its writers. Saya mencari semua macam berita di web, dan saya tersandung di www.faithfreedom.org (FFI) sebulan setelah 11 September. Pertama kali saya menemui situs seperti itu. Beberapa hari saya membaca dan saya sangat kecewa dan marah pada Dr. Ali Sina dan penulis- penulis lain di situs itu. Segera saya menggunakan nama samaran dan menulis segala macam komentar yang menyerang FFI dan semua penulisnya. Initially I would mainly write abusive comments without making any solid reference to the points raised by the Islam-bashers. But every time, they would come back with references from the Islamic sources, Koran and Hadiths to shut me up. I thought they were misinterpreting the Quran. I thought there is special meaning in those verses which human knowledge cannot comprehend although they may sound very unsavory; Allah is beyond human comprehension; human logic may not fit to Allahs; and all such kind of things. Mulanya saya hanya menulis komentar yang menyerang, tanpa membuat referensi pada point-point yang diangkat oleh anti Islam. Tapi setiap waktu, mereka kembali dengan referensi dari sumber-sumber Islam, Quran dan hadis, untuk membungkam saya. Saya kira mereka salah interpretasi Quran. Saya kira ada arti khusus di ayat-ayat itu yang tidak bisa dimengerti oleh pengetahuan manusia, biarpun ayat-ayat itu terasa ofensif. Allah diluar jangkauan pikiran manusia. Logika manusia tak cocok mengerti Allah dan hal-hal semacam itu. One thing I have to make clear that when I started writing abusing retorts to these Islam-bashers in FFI, I never had read the Koran, or the Hadiths. My knowledge of Islam was from hearsay. After doing this kind of tug of war with the Islam-bashers on FFI for about 6-7 months I slowly started looking into the Koran and Hadiths. I found online Koran (in multiple English translations) and Hadiths. I slowly started cross-checking the references. Then I got a Koran in my mother tongue. All of the translations were mostly agreeable and also were almost agreeable to the interpretations of these Islam-bashers of FFI. Satu hal yang harus saya perjelas, ketika saya mulai menulis komentar yang menyerang anti Islam di FFI, saya tak pernah membaca Quran atau Hadis. Pengetahuan saya tentang Islam dari obrolan. Setelah melakukan perlawanan perang dengan anti Islam di FFI selama 6-7 bulan, saya mulai melihat Quran dan hadis. Saya menemukan Quran online (dalam beberapa terjemahan bahasa Inggris) dan hadis online. Saya mulai cross-check referensi-referensinya. Kemudian saya mendapat Quran berbahasa ibu. Semua terjemahan umumnya bisa diterima dan cocok dengan interpretasi anti Islam di FFI. I started becoming quiet on FFI. I kept reading more and more. I started questioning if I wanted to copy-cat Prophet Muhammad who, I believed, was the most perfect man for all times for 40 years of my life. I started questioning if I want to be an ideal man and have 10-15 wives, a few concubines and wage numerous wars against the idolaters, Jews and Christians. Growing up amongst the Hindu majority of the subcontinent - I thought if I would model myself after Muhammad - I should've waged wars against the Hindus (idolaters) in my neighborhood. In stead, I found many good friends amongst the Hindus - who had been excellent friends, who had been nice and honest people. They have been hard-working people as compared to many Muslims peers. Question after question started striking my head. I was getting mad. Saya mulai diam di FFI. Saya membaca terus dan terus. Saya mulai mempertanyakan apakah saya akan meniru nabi Muhammad, yang saya percayai orang paling sempurna sepanjang masa, selama 40 tahun hidup saya. Saya mulai mempertanyakan apakah saya ingin menjadi orang ideal dan punya 10-15 istri, beberapa selir, membuat peperangan dengan pemuja dewa, Yahudi dan Kristen. Dibesarkan di subkontinen dengan mayoritas Hindu, saya kira jika saya akan meniru Muhammad, saya tak akan membuat perang melawan Hindu (pemuja dewa) di lingkungan saya. Sebaliknya saya menemukan banyak teman baik di antara Hindu, yang benar-benar teman baik, orang-orang yang baik dan jujur. Mereka pekerja keras dibandingkan dengan banyak kelompok Muslim. Pertanyaan demi pertanyaan menghunjam kepala saya. Saya mulai marah. I started contemplating what the world will be like if every Muslim had modeled himself after Prophet Muhammad. I wondered how much blood of my Hindu neighbors would have flown had every Muslims had acted the same way like Prophet Muhammad and his closest of disciples (Sahabas) who are considered the finest bunch of people in Islam. I started visioning, in my mind, all sorts of gory pictures in the neighborhood I grew up in. My idolater Hindu neighbors hard working, honest and affluent like the Jew and Christian tribes of Prophet Muhammads neighborhood of Medina. I started visioning how those sweet, nice and beautiful sisters of my Hindu friends are falling at the lustful hands of my Muslims peers. One day about one year after the 9/11, I called my Hindu friend to a restaurant and ordered pork. He was in a daze. Because of me, he never ever brought pork home although I always cooked beef which my Hindu friend never touched because of the prohibition of his religion. I did not know when I had left Islam but that day formalized and ascertained that I was not a Muslims any more. Saya mulai merenung seperti apa dunia jika setiap Muslim meniru Nabi Muhammad. Saya membayangkan seberapa banyak aliran darah tetangga Hindu saya jika setiap Muslim berlaku seperti Nabi Muhammad dan sahabat-sahabatnya/pengikutnya, yang selalu dianggap kumpulan manusia terbaik di Islam. Saya mulai membayangkan, di pikiran saya, segala macam gambar berdarah di lingkungan saya dibesarkan. Pemuja dewa Hindu yang pekerja keras, jujur dan orang mampu seperti suku Yahudi dan Kristen di lingkungan Nabi Muhammad di Medina. Saya mulai membayangkan bagaimana saudari-saudari Hindu teman saya yang baik, manis dan cantik jatuh ke kelompok Muslim saya yang bernafsu(sex). Suatu hari sekitar setahun setelah 11 September, saya mengundang teman Hindu saya ke restoran dan memesan babi. Ia tercengang. Karena saya, ia tidak pernah membawa pulang daging babi ke rumah, biarpun saya selalu memasak daging sapi yang tak pernah disentuh teman Hindu saya, sebab dilarang oleh agamanya. Saya tidak tahu, kapan saya meninggalkan Islam, tetapi hari itu meresmikan dan meyakinkan bahwa saya bukan Muslim lagi.
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