>                               Company Policy: 
>                          Effective  January 2007 
>Dress Code 
>It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary If we 
>see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are 
>doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress 
>poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy 
>nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just 
>right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a 
>Sick Days 
>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you 
>are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 
>Personal Days 
>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called 
>Saturday & Sunday. 
>Bereavement Leave 
>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead 
>friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have 
>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee 
>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late 
>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and

>subsequently leave one hour early. 
>Toilet Use 
>Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 
>three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an 
>alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will 
>open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture 
>will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders 
>category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under 
>the company's mental health policy. 
>Lunch Break 
>Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that 
>they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a

>balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes

>for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 
>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a 
>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, 
>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, 
>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and 
>input should be directed elsewhere. 

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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