* Paul Kristensen <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> [010711 11:49]:
> IF PEOPLE KNEW THE ANSWER THEY WOULD NOT ASK THE QUESTION !!!!!
STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
I took exception to your recent ___ post to __________________.
(conference)
_X_ email
It was (check all that apply):
_X_ lame.
_X_ stupid.
_X_ boring.
_X_ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
_X_ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________.
(NOTES personality)
___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post.
___ your post was obviously Moderator-bait.
___ your post referred to the conference as a Board, BBoard, BBS, newsgroup
or Notesfile.
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Digital Equipment Corp.
Network Security & Standards Patrol
146 Main St.
Maynard, MA 01754
or your posting privileges will be canceled.
___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you deliberately misspelled 4 letter Anglo-Saxon words to slither the
note past the moderators.
___ your post/letter contained "y"s substituted for random vowels.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ which made it unintelligible.
___ your post/letter contained "q"s substituted for random "k"s, "c"s or
"ck"s
___ you spell-checked but it obviously substituted incorrect word(s) with
a similar sound/spelling for your misspelled word(s) rather than the
correct spelling.
___ Feeble attempt at Dan Quayle humor.
___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ your post/letter served no purpose other than correct spelling/grammatical
errors of another note/letter.
_X_ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
_X_ your post was a Garbage Note.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ 100% USDA
_X_ CRAP (fancy CRAP, FREEWARE, Copyright (c) Northern Spy Software)
___ CRAP (just plain CRAP)
___ (picture of trash can)
___ all of the above.
___ your note was a "snarf."
(Mark only if above checked)
___ and you got a number generally not considered "snarfable."
(Mark only if above checked)
___ because you were too slow and missed by one.
___ you deliberately created replies solely to get a "snarf" number.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you still were too slow to get a "snarf"!
___ these replies contain more useful content than most of your other
notes.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ ...which is saying quite a bit since you deleted these replies.
_X_ you created a new topic that should have been a reply to another note.
(Mark only if above checked)
_X_ Deliberately.
_X_ You don't know the difference between "Write" and "Reply."
_X_ You were too lazy to look for the existing note.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ and you asked the moderators to find the note and move it there
for you.
___ you created a new topic designed to generate replies and set it /NOWRITE.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you repeatedly set it /NOWRITE, after the moderators set it /WRITE.
___ you set your note /HIDDEN simply to arouse the curiosity of other noters.
___ 'Hit and Run' noting, you deleted your note after it generated several
replies
(Mark only if above checked)
___ ...which was a good thing because you really looked like a fool.
___ you created a new note and moved it to the 'hole' to make the replies
look foolish.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!"
_X_ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added _1_ lines of text.
___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]."
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Without adding "<form of representation> at 11."
___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group."
_X_ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
_X_ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ you forgot which conference this was.
_X_ you have a lame login name.
_X_ your machine has a stupid name.
___ your attempt at a Notes/Mail Personal Name fell flat.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Painfully.
___ your name signed at the end contains silly extraneous punctuation.
___ your note contains a PGP signature.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ that exceeds the length of the note itself.
___ the PGP fingerprint was just random hex digits anyway.
___ you included a USENET .sig .
(Mark only if above checked)
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ your .sig is wider than 80 columns.
___ your .sig is tabdamaged.
___ your .sig is longer than your included text.
___ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
(Mark only if above also)
___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
(Mark only if above also)
___ Miserably.
___ you included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ a stupid self-quote.
___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ a stupid quote from
(Mark all that apply)
___ Rush Limbaugh.
___ Dan Quayle.
___ a rock band member.
(Mark only if above also)
___ from Rush.
___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s).
___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
___ lame ASCII fonts
___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
___ Sword
___ Dinosaur
___ Cat/Dog
(Mark only if above also)
___ plural
___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________
___ excessive whitespace
Furthermore:
_X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of [EMAIL PROTECTED]
(conference)
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
_X_ You are a loser.
_X_ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
clueless.
_X_ *plonk*
_X_ This has been pointed out to you before.
_X_ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
_X_ Go Away. Now.
_X_ stick to USENET and come back when you've grown up.
_X_ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
_X_ get a gun and shoot yourself.
_X_ stop reading Notes and get a life.
_X_ stop sending email and get a life.
_X_ get a clue (hey, they're cheap!)
_X_ consume excrement.
_X_ consume excrement and thus expire.
Additional comments:
STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM (original by David Parsons)
