dave headman
c4 25yrs post
First Mammogram
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is
no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the
week preceding the exam and doing the following practice
exercises, you will be totally prepared for the best. And best
of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in
your own home.
EXERCISE #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the
waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends
against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as
hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet
next year and do it again.
EXERCISE #2: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast
between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest
friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the
door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds.
Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE #3: Visit your garage at 30 a.m. when the temperature
of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your warm
clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast
wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly
back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened
and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your
mammogram. Isn't it FUN to be a WOMAN !!
