I appreciate your willingness to ask this question. For most of us Gay, lesbian and transgendered people, there is no choice in the matter. I've never been attracted to men, always women. However, there are some people (mostly women that I know of) who choose to love someone of the same sex later in life. Perhaps they are essentially bisexual, and/or more open to their sexuality than others, who knows. These people have married and may have children, have lived life as a straight person, and were content with that. For some reason, their marriage breaks up or they intentionally divorce, making a decision to live as a gay person. I wish I had the answer as to why this happens, but the truth is there is no ONE answer. Take for example a woman who has a SCI at age 35, she finds that she is no longer attractive to men and that in fact, they ignore her as a sexual person altogether. Well, this woman might find that she is open to developing deep and intimate friendships with women, as they are more willing to accept her limitations and see her strengths more than men may at first glance. She then may CHOOSE to live as a lesbian in a lesbian relationship. It takes a certain person who is able to do this, one is is OPEN to the fluid nature of sexuality. I've never read Kinsey, but I believe his premise is that we are all capable of this, but haven't opened our minds to it. I know I'll get blasted by some here for posting this, but I truly believe it to be the case.
It may be presumptuous on my part, but it is possible that after SCI some individuals may feel "less of a man" or "less of a woman" because we no longer fit into these roles as defined by society. A man may no longer be the breadwinner, or may need care from a spouse or partner; similarly, a woman may need care whereas, she was the caregiver before. So...as the roles have changed, so may the desire for a partner's gender. ??? This months issue of New Mobility grapples with sexuality. The two writers that write a column for NM, about sexuality and SCI are profiled. It might be an interesting question to pose to their column. They have pretty impressive credentials as therapists and researchers of sexuality and SCI.
Peace to you,
River
On Feb 1, 2005, at 7:14 PM, Silas Shelburne wrote:
<x-tad-smaller>I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, lady I wasn't being sarcastic hell im new to this SCI shit. Reading some of the other post on the subject I was just curious. I have a gay attendant he tells me what its like growing up being gay, he's been through pure hell. Makes me feel bad because of my so called ignorance and intolerance. Silas</x-tad-smaller>
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