Re: [QUAD-L] LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK...

[Jkrocks]

J. T.,   I'm Jim, Duluth, Minnesota, 45, 5 plus years post, C-5/6 incomplete, married with two children.  I spent approximately the same amount of time in rehab as you did and was looking forward to coming home also.  My wife and I were having some troubles before I got injured and all my fears came true once I got home except for one.  I figured that she would leave me ASAP but five years later she is still here and I do not know why.  Maybe its financial or for her self-esteem and I do not know.   My family was my only caregivers for the first 4.5 years of my injury except for the few weeks right one I got home out of rehab.  This caused a lot of stress on me and my family and it drove a wedge between us.  Now, I have caregivers coming in to get me up and put me back to bed daily, which has helped tremendously for the stress level around here.  Friday and Saturday nights we do not have a caregiver because my wife said she would do it because that is when we normally go out and do something.  The problem with this is, when she has to do my cares she is extremely upset and frustrated because she hates doing it so much.  She has not stepped on me yet and I do not think she would because she is very sexually timid to the point of even be in frigid.   My biggest fear is living by myself but being on this list there are several that do live by themselves for support.  I know once you get used to living by yourself things start to get easier but you still have frustrations every day trying to do the simplest things.  I myself was a union sheet metal worker that loved to work with my hands and do all my own remodeling around the house.  Now, all I do is watch if I can get somebody to help out and get frustrated because I cannot do it.  I do work three days per week and I also drive with electronic controls but that is in other subject.  I do have times to where I feel down and that is because of the way I get treated by the family sometimes but overall I guess I'm still happy I'm breathing.  Don't be afraid to ask any questions on this list and always try to think of something positive every day.  I do not set goals to high anymore and when I make them, which might take a long time, I feel satisfied and I move onto the next level.   Jim