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First .... MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I am writing to say that spousal caregivers to quads somehow or another eventually fall into the caregiving end for numerous reasons (NOT ALL ... but many).
I am adding our $.02 on behalf of my husband who isn't into emailing. My injury was 26 yrs ago (age 15). I had a twelve-yr relationship (post injury from age 20-32) that eventually ended when the going got tougher for him. (somewhat anyway).
I met my current husband on the net in late 1995. We talked for 2 yrs before we knew we seemed to be meant for each other. Before our marriage we discussed that it not be a good idea for him to be involved with my personal care. At the time, however, I was getting my needs taken care of.
We could not forsee the future and, to make a long story short, MediCARE made changes that cut my care by 75%. It's a long story and we know "the systems" inside and out. Slowly my husband was forced to do more & more of my care. He says he'd do it all over again but gets many days where the "normal caregiver stress" bites and he'll say "I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!"
Venting happens in the best of relationships and it happens 10 fold when such severe disabilities are involved and one person can't DO IT ALL. Venting is healthy though! My ex kept everything to himself apparently.
We know all our resources and we live one day at a time. Life sure wasn't what we expected but who knew things would go sour? Even unemployment! We just celebrated our 8th anniversary this past Nov 29th! Honic writes of ages 71 and 77 ... BRAVO!!! I am 41 and my husband is 56.
Neither of us expected health problems (serious ones) at our ages either but that's the deck of cards we got dealt despite huge preventative care measures! Go figure!
Welcome to our group and we hope to age gracefully too.
Take care!
Lori Michaelson
Age - 41
C4/5 complete quad, 26 years post
Tucson, AZ
-------Original Message-------
Date: 12/22/05 17:51:43
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] From a quads wife
I would like to hear more about your story. I am 24 years old. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, we got married May 29, 2004 and 4 weeks later he was injured in an ATV accident and is now a quad. I did not leave his side for all 4 months in the hospital. We had to sell everything, including the house we just bought a month before our wedding. We moved in with his dad and stepmom. I turned from wife to caretaker. I did really good the first year (I was still in denial) then it all hit me and I got really depressed and it got pretty bad. So I moved out and in with my mom to get myself better because if I am not well then I can not help him or our relationship. After I moved out I then realized and looked back on everything and did not realize how unhappy I actually was. I am only 24 and I lost everything in a matter of seconds and I am now trying to cope with everything and try to dec! ide if I should go back or not. I have no one to really talk to and no one understands until they have walked in your shoes or done the same thing. If we were older and married a lot longer it might be different. I think we messed up because I turned into caretaker instead of wife. Any suggestions or advice? How did you manage and cope with everything? [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
My life as a incomplete quads wife
First of all let me say I w! ould do it all over again, although it is not easy being the man of the house. lol
My husband and I traded off the responsibilities, ie: while I did chores that normally a hubby would do he would in turn do household chores that he could manage. I even learned to fix minor repairs on our car. Of course he was there telling me how to do it. ![]() He was a very good teacher.
When our children were babies he would hold them with one had and push with the other alternately. I almost fainted upon returning from an appointment to discover he managed to get our first born infant into the living room. After that I was completely comfortable with leaving the youngsters with him.
Between the two of ! us we managed without outside help until the year of 2000. He is now in failing health and keeping me busy. Sometimes it is difficult, but I always remind myself what a great husband and Father he is and what a wonderful marriage we have. Fifty two years this past August. He is 77 and I am 71.
Now that u know a little about me how about some of your stories!!!!
take care
Honic
Yahoo! for Good - Make a difference this year.
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