Re: [QUAD-L] celebrations

[Corie Jones]

I don't blame you for being hurt and angry Lana.  I have often felt the same way with my family.  I have a small family anyway and several of my family lives nearly 3 hours away, so traveling always makes it hard on me because of my chronic pain.  It frustrates me that these certain family members are not understanding and supportive enough of what I have to go through to travel to see them.  So this year we told them I just couldn't do it and if they wanted to see us they would have to come up here, so they are tomorrow for two days.  The kids we haven't seen since last Christmas.  It's even frustrating when they come here to visit because they get impatient with my morning routine and how long it takes me to be up and ready for the day.  It's amazing they don't get it or try to get it after 12 years!  People just don't FULLY understand what we go through and struggle with until they truly live it.  It's just sad that some of our own family members don't try harder to "get it."  I have friends who are more supportive and understanding than some of my family members.  Well just like the saying goes, "we can choose our friends, but not our family." Hope you guys have a Happy New Year! Corie ----- Original Message ----- From: Lana Baugh To: quad-list@eskimo.com Sent: Monday, December 26, 2005 2:12 AM Subject: [QUAD-L] celebrations Does this sound familiar?   For years my family had all celebrations and gatherings at their homes. When Gabe had his injury I insisted that some should be here. Over the past ten years it has been like I was begging. I would explain all the issues- access to the house, toilet, ----. I won them into coming over here now and again. Over the past couple years they started saying we had too many holidays over here. Of course for them they only count Christmas & Thanksgiving. They do not count birthdays, family reunions or just plain get togethers that occur at their houses. When it comes to big family gatherings I am just speaking French. I am ashamed. I would go to some activities because I wouldn’t see family from out of town otherwise. Gabe would stay home or find other things to do. No one in the family ever asked, seemed concerned, they just wanted to do their thing. I have explained and bugged so much.  This has been an ongoing war and I just do not understand how they can’t understand. We can use a portable ramp on one house. The rest are really inaccessible. I am also ashamed that we have lifted Gabe and his chair into houses. He was very unhappy about this so it stopped. However, they do not understand the problems with lifting chairs despite me explaining it and continue to say we should do it.   Gabe has not really been part of the war. I guess I felt his isolation from family events was enough.   Well I just got tired of the games, the pleading and Gabe still not being able to be a part of our family. I gave my sister all of the gifts when she came over to get them on the 23rd so they could open the gifts at her house on Christmas. This broke the camels back. I explained the problem to her one more time. We even gave her an outline so she could read about Gabe’s needs. Her responses blew me away. So I told her she no longer had a sister. We were no longer part of the family and we would not participate in any family celebrations. We would develop a new group to celebrate with and be around.  She was blown away and acted like she hadn’t heard this stuff before.   Was I too harsh? I just couldn’t play there game anymore and leave Gabe out.   What do you guys do?   Lana, Gabe’s mom 10 years post, C4-5