Hi Eric,
That is almost a no-win situation you're in. Almost. There are a lot of layers to this. I'd suggest you think about what are the most important issues, for both you and Amy, especially now that she is pregnant, and start working on them. I think that after your baby is born you'll know what is most important to you, and it will help keep you focused. I'll say a prayer and keep you in my thoughts.
With Love,
CtrlAltDel aka Dave
C4/5 Complete - 29 Years Post
Texas, USA
Eric Olson <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Everyone,
I'm currently in a situation I don't know how to handle. My wife, (I
call her my wife but we could only have a commitment ceremony) Amy's
family is just ! awful. For our commitment ceremony, we rented a hall,
had dinner the whole nine yards and her parents refused to come. Her
parents are these hardcore pentecostal Christians which is odd because
Amy's mother is the most evil woman I've NEVER met. When Amy and I
started dating, She took Amy's picture off the wall in their house. She
used to have prayer meetings at the house and they would pray for Amy to
change her mind. Amy's sister said marrying me would be like marrying a
rapist. Her brother told her she should start thinking with her head
instead of her heart. Her father seems to have at least made peace with
it. Unfortunately, for us, he has no testicles. If Amy's mom told him
he could no longer have any contact with his own daughter, that's what
he'd do. That statement pretty much sums up how ball-less he is and how
manipulative she is. It would take days to write everything they have
done so you'll just have to trust me. I c! ould give a rats ass what they
think of me, but they treat their own daughter /sister like shit because
of me. This shit has been going on the entire 5 years we've been
together.
Unfortunately, Amy has this bizarre need for her family's approval
especially from her mother. She has been reaching out to her family the
past 5 years to try and make things work and every time they shit on
her. I keep telling her, the only way to keep from getting hurt, is to
just write off her family for now and hope things improve in the distant
future. I know they won't. She doesn't listen. She walks around
crying saying "I have no mother." I feel bad for her. Needing her
mothers approval has turned into a sick obsession in my opinion. What
should I do?
This is where things get complicated. Amy is pregnant. Normally this
would be great news to share with you but with her family ... To get
the whole picture, you really need to understand! how screwed up and evil
Amy's mother is. A couple years ago, Amy had a friend's kid over at her
mother's house and the baby was crying. Amy's mother says "he's crying
because he comes from a broken home." His parents were not married at
the time. Amy's mom is the kind of nut that would tell our kid that
his/her parents are going to hell because they are not married. Funny
story. Amy's sister got married a couple weeks after we did outside at
disneyworld. During the ceremony there is a rumble of thunder in the
distance and Amy's mother says out loud so all 16 people attending heard
"that's because God doesn't approve of this marriage." She was sitting
next to the groom's mother when she said it.
Anyway, Amy knows her mother is way to stressful to tell before she's
well into her third trimester, but we're thinking about not telling them
before at all. Amy's afraid that, if her mother comes to see her in the
hospital, she! will say something horrible and ruin the birth
experience. She hasn't decided whether to call afterwards or just send
her parents a birth announcement. I said we should just send them a
high school graduation picture. lol This is just for the birth. We
don't know how much of our child's life we want them to be. They've
completely shunned Amy and made it clear they want nothing to do with
her as long as she's with me. We don't think they really deserve to
know or be part of the kids life. Do we want to expose our kid to
people that hate his /her dad because he's disabled?
Part of me hopes that, if we do tell them, it will bring us together
but I know it won't. They will ask her to bring the baby over but only
if she comes alone. That's what they told her at Christmas. Part of me
wants to use the kid as a bargaining chip. I'd like to call Amy's dad
and tell him they better start treating Amy like a daughter deserves and
quick! or they will NEVER see this kid. Anyone have an opinion?
Eric
