1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing
millions in the seventh largest
country in the
world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
2. White minorities still trying to have
English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
3. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United
States crops and livestock.
4. Baby conceived naturally. Scientists
stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate
heterosexual marriage.
5 Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies
in the American Territory of the Middle East
(formerly known as Iraq,
Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
6. Iran still closed off;
physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before
radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
7. France pleads for global
help after being taken over by Jamaica.
8. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban
cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned
all smoking.
9. George Z. Bush says he will run for
President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first
class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.
10. 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the
key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250
lbs.
11. Massachusetts executes
last remaining conservative.
12. Supreme Court rules punishment of
criminals violates their civil rights.
13. Average height of NBA players now nine
feet, seven inches.
14. New federal law requires that all nail
clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be
registered by January 2036.
15. Congress authorizes direct deposit of
formerly illegal political contributions
16. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
17. Florida voters still
having trouble with voting machines.
