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Dear Barbara,
'W' seems to know how to say all the right things even though he is not a quad himself. I think he did an excellent job of welcoming you to this list in his own special way!
Us female quads are a special breed of our own. I think the statistics still say that 85% of quadriplegics are male. But there are several females on this list so you have come to a good place!
You may have read a recent post of mine that said that when I was in rehab ... it was impossible for me to fathom that my "peer counselor" had been a quadriplegic for 10 years. Since I was only 15 years old ... that was more than half my life so it really was incomprehensible to me that someone could function, with so little, in a wheelchair for so long a time.
I don't want to write a book here so I will just say that I was injured at the age of 15 in a motor vehicle accident. My father had passed away when I was 13 and then my injury happened about a year and a half after that. To add insult to injury [pardon the pun!] ... when I was in rehab my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I thought I was going to lose my mind. She was my best friend and it was just "her and I together" against the world after my father passed.
When I think back .... people were always keeping me busy, busy, busy! People from the community were taking me all kinds of places. I had to begin to finish high school. And all this while watching my mom slowly pass away.
I think our instincts of "survival" automatically pop into place. Because I really had no choice. So again, to make a long story short, I finished high school and my mom passed away during that time. I moved in with my grandparents who lived right next door and began college immediately after high school. I went four years and got my baccalaureate degree.
In my second year of college I met my first "boyfriend" and we became "a couple" for 12 whole years. I thought we would be together forever but one day he came to me and said that he "Did not love me in the spousal away anymore." I thought that he was approaching age 40 that he was just going through a midlife crisis and that it was just a phase but I was wrong. Again, I was devastated.
This time I think it was pure shock that got me through that hurdle. My health had deteriorated [with pain among other things] and I do not think he could handle it anymore. Or rather he did not WANT to handle it anymore. Strangely enough, I met my current husband on the Internet almost 9 years ago now. :-)
So, most definitely, there is life after his spinal cord injury!
It has been a long and difficult road which is an understatement itself. But unless I want to waste my life through depression or some type of weird suicide ... my other option was to 'go on.'
Something occurred to me over this past weekend. I do not know if you are a "Lord of the Rings" fan or not. I most certainly was not for the longest time! But now I am addicted to J.R.R. Tolkien's story. Anyway, as we were watching "Return of the King" on the weekend and even though I have seen it numerous times ... the ending really made me think this time around.
After a LONG, sacrificing, and humbling journey ... the main character in the story begins to write in his journal "How Do I Pick up the Pieces of an Old Life?"
I often think of my life before my injury and how much fun I used to have. But I cannot bring that time back. I cannot pick up the pieces of that old life. As with the main character in the story and as with my life .... we have to go on and make a different story.
Finding this list is a remarkable first step! Sometimes people will be injured for many years and never come across this list. I am glad I stumbled upon it 11 years ago and have found the most valuable first-hand information here over any place else.
That was longer than I intended to write but please stick with us!
Lori C4/5 Complete, 26 yrs post
Tucson, AZ
AGE - 41
-------Original Message-------
Date: 06/07/06 16:31:25
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] I'm kinda new here
Hiya Barbara,
You don't know me and that is not too important at this time, but for the next 2-3 years, you are on a mission to get to know your body all over again. During the last 12 months, the doctors, nurses and therapist have been handling your body like its a piece of meat and you've discovered that its just not the same body you remember almost 12 months ago.
You are now training for the Marathon of Your Life. You must continue to train your body to determine its potential and what can be done. It won't be easy. It never is.
Your personal life is also changing, but again, you've noticed that already. Your friends and steadies have gone on to college. Some have gotten married and are trying to make the best with their new lifes. They won't be around like they used to. As you are gaining strength, consider signing up with Voc Rehab. They will send you to college to get an education.
A better education. Your social life should also be rekindled on a local level. Crashs only slow down your social life, not eliminate it.
Let us all know what is happening in your life and how your parents and friends have accepted you in the last 12 months.
When you are ready, tell us about your crash. Let us know about what your plans were and what they will be now. Inquiring minds..... are nosey, lol.
Best Wishes
W
In a message dated 6/6/2006 6:30:37 PM Central Daylight Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
Hi, I don't know if this is right but I need to ask a question about living, or should I say existing, as a quad? I'm a bit intimidated about how long some of you have been quads. I was in a car accident July 4 2005 and I'm c 5 & 19 yrs old. I don't think I want to live 10, 20, 30 or 40 years like this? How do you guys do it? I'm so overwhelmed and scared. What am I sopo to do with my life like this? Are any of you guys married or have children?
Barbara
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