Why did the chicken cross the road?
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we
need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not
taking
on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
_______________________________________________________
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just
drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
chickens.
__________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our
side of the road, or not. The chicken is either
against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
_____________________________________________
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
road...
___________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.
__________________________________________
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road,
I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am
not for it now, and will remain against it.
__________________________________________
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
___________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
_________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's
Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
_________________________________________
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not
been told.
_______________________________________
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see
the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken
was going to the "other side." That's why they call
it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out
this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's
as plain and as simple as that.
______________________________________________
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road,
and that was good enough.
__________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time,
the heart warming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
____________________________________________
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
____________________________________________
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2005, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
This new platform is much more stable and will never
cra...#@&&^ <http://us.f546.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?
To=cra...#@&&^> ( C \
.... reboot.
______________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?
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AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
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COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
