I have been living with excruciating pain for 25 years. If I move my eyebrows my spine feels like an accordion, sending shocks through all my limbs. For some reason whenever I have dysreflexia it feels it feels like a sword is being thrust it into my stomach. My a-hole feels like there is a baseball bat jammed inside. This is but a mild description.
Drugs, both illicit and prescribed, put me into a hospital for four months, around 14 years ago. I had my 22nd operation there -- a bowel resection. Three months after leaving the hospital I went to a pain center, where I was not allowed to leave the ninth floor of the hospital. While there I experienced four seizures from the detoxing. After completing the program successfully I lived without medication for ten years, and they were the most productive years in my life. With medication our lives are like a wavy line on a blackboard. At the lowest point we take medication and move to the highest, only to fall back again to the lowest. Without medication our lives are more like a straight line drawn across the center of that wavy line. That being said, I began taking OxyContin after my 27th operation two years ago. Having moved from New York City to Virginia at that time, I needed to find a new doctor. Being a compassionate man he would prescribe for me anything I requested. There I was taking three 80mil OxyContin a day, along with a 200mil patch of morphine on my arm that I changed every three days. Having several people at my house one afternoon I asked three different people to give me two pills. That's right, 480mil of OxyContin. I wanted to feel what it would be like to rid myself of pain for the first time -- I didn't mind dying -- my pain has replaced my fear of death with a longing. You are the first ones who know of this. Sadly, there was no effect on the pain. I was suffering that night as much as I'm suffering on this one. Several days later I made a schedule to wean myself off the pain medication, and adhered to it for the next three months. Below is the beginning of that list, at least enough to show my train of thought... my train of thought? Now that's a joke! My schedule looked something like this: Weak one: 80mil of OxyContin three times, three Percocet three times daily. Week two: 80mil of OxyContin three times daily, two Percocet three times daily. Week three: 80mil of OxyContin three times daily, one Percocet three times daily. Week four: 80mil of OxyContin three times daily, no Percocet. Week five: 60mil of OxyContin three times daily, three Percocet three times daily. On my shelf there is an old jar filled with 20mil OxyContin pills. As I lost my partiality for drinking many years ago, I will sometimes take one pill when going out for the night. Every so often I awake in the middle of the night screaming. My wife tells me that I fight with her because I do not want to take one. The scary part is that I never remember these episodes when they happen. If someone wishes to take medication they should be allowed to take as much as they want, but it will never help chronic pain. As pain is subjective, we often feel that ours is by far the worst of all. But if medication is becoming a hindrance -- if you avoid being seen in public, if you believe your dreams to be futile, if you allow your television to eat away at your receptive faculties, if you remain in bed although your well, if you find yourself counting or worrying about your pills -- then you might try taking another avenue. Your endorphins are a natural morphine that your brain releases when stimulated. You can release these endorphins by reading, by writing, by working, by talking with everyone you meet, by absorbing the sun, by planting a vegetable garden, by meditation, and by enjoying everything life has to offer while we are here. One quick note: I do wish that my stock picks could have brought one of the prizes to somebody here. I could take some solace in knowing that of my 12 original company tickers, 11 have risen. KKD was a real bomb. In a few weeks everyone will be given a new one million dollars, and the highest portfolio after 2 weeks will win a nice television system. As I already have three high-definition televisions around my house, I will not be participating. I wish the best of luck to anyone that does. Unfortunately, I need to sign off on the list because cleaning out my e-mail every day takes away the time I need for my own portfolio and writing. If I need a question answered, I'll always know where to go. Enjoy your summer everyone. Peter 25 yrs -- You Rock! Your E-Mail Should Too! Signup Now at Rock.com and get 250MB of Storage! http://webmail.rock.com/signup/
