Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.
Read Samples below: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S:
Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very
rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in
cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live
bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on
right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in
OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in
windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine
found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target
radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S:
Cat installed. And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from
under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a
hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
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