Shahidul, 16 years? Has it been that long? I hope that you realize that it most difficult to offer advice and suggestions to locals regarding relationships. So often I hear, "I can't do that or I won't do that." Listening and trying to understand, is often the best one can do, during those tough times when others are just venting. And that is what we are here for. To listen. Sometimes we can offer suggestions for one to consider. But you know the saying of leading a camel to water...... or is that a horse, lol. Please feel free to convey your thoughts. They are always appreciated. I always hope they inspire others. Best Wishes
In a message dated 4/30/2009 9:06:14 A.M. Central Daylight Time, [email protected] writes: Hello:-) The content of your mail is loud and clear. Though you didn't address anybody, looks like you are referring to my mail. Be clear that, I didn't condemn anybody. In one sense I condemned myself. I wanted to verify, if I am suffering some kind of mental syndrome or not. I just described real fact of life. I can not and don't want to pretend. Whatever happened, that has happened. Whatever annoying my mind, I just bailed out that in this quad-list. And that's the purpose of this list. You have opined your view, that's fine. That's the quad-list is for. Don't feel pity (though I didn't ask for that). I am fighting 16th year of my quadriplegic life, wont need any sympathy or pity to continue further. Please take care :-) Yours, Shahidul Alam On Thu, Apr 30, 2009 at 12:47 AM, Merrill <[email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) > wrote: My response below has bothered me since posting. It was not meant to be non-caring, but rather an honest spontaneous response to look in rather than to condemn others because they appear unapproachable. To start by groping people as ab has alienated a segment of people assumed to be them. This might be an initial stumbling block to knowing others who are not like you. In the same sentence is the assumption of grouping wheelchair dependant people as “us”. The ground work for social failure has been set by grouping and assuming. Church has always been a place referred to as a place for meeting others. If getting there is a problem perhaps letting people there know this. Speak with the minister, post bulletins or even make a request in the Sunday hand outs. Last summer I was also in a similar frustrated sense of needing to get out, or more importantly to know someone to get out with. In desperation I posted an inquiry on Craigslist.Com that a disabled male of my age wished to meet someone wanting to go out on day trips and rides. It was a gold mind of meeting people throughout the summer. When you can no longer tolerate the isolation, and realize that what and how you’ve been thinking is not working, you then open the door for inspiration to an idea which just might open doors. Merrill ____________________________________ From: Merrill [mailto:[email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) ] Sent: Monday, April 27, 2009 3:45 PM To: [email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) Subject: FW: [QUAD-L] Re: Paul... You made it! Congrats Sounds like a small case of pitty potty. People deserve more credit than you stereo type. Sure, a percentage of what you say is true if not given a chance, but I could not exist if what you say was true. Wake up and smell the coffee, then share it with an AB ____________________________________ From: Shahidul [mailto:[email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) ] Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 6:48 AM To: Quad Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Re: Paul... You made it! Congrats Hi Dana:-) Many many thanks for your many productive advice and also for telling a lot about you. I wish I could hear many others stories. When we hear these stories they reduce our loneliness. You are lucky in many way. You have some to spend some time with. I mean your mother and your friend. I have my mother staying under the same roof with me in a separate room. But she is reluctant about any of my problems. Her attitude is, it's better that God should take one away instead of putting him into a helpless situation. Although she never mentioned me. Anyway, I tried _dating4disabled.com_ (http://dating4disabled.com/) , but alas... never got any interest from anyone. I think reason behind it is I am not from USA. Please take good care :-) Yours, Shahidul Alam On Fri, Apr 24, 2009 at 10:36 PM, <[email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) > wrote: It is correct that not many ab's want to deal with us. I have one really good friends that is a wonderful person he takes me out twice a week on his days off. I spent a lot of time with mother who lives a block away. I just accept this and realize that that is the way most people are. It's nothing against you, but the most A.B. are not acclimated on how to deal with persons with disabilities other than sympathy. I meet people from time to time that are. I had a really girl that took me to Bible study. When she had family problems and could no longer take me to church, no one else from the church would volunteer to do. When I lived in a smaller town, that church took me to Sunday services and a Bible study in the home of the man that took me to Sunday services. My best friend from high school still comes about once or twice a year to visit from Iowa, which is four hours away. There are people that will but they are few and far between. Don't give up hope. Try to get involved in going to church. I'm sure I would feel very alone without my best friend that takes me out and driving to my mom house when the weather is nice. When he was married for a short time, my mother lived in another city as a nanny. You just have to keep busy and not value yourself through how abl click e bodied people deal with you. It is their problem not yours. You can meet people through websites such as _dating4disabled.com_ (http://dating4disabled.com/) . Some are disabled and some are not. A lot of people will write. There is also a website called disabled United.comI have met people through both sites. There are people from all over the world and probably your country. I have never met anyone, just talked to them. These sites are both free. I will pray for you about this. I believe the Lord will help us with whatever we need, if we just ask him. I don't know your religion, that reach out to with what it can offer. My faith really does help me cope. I have just started reading the Bible and there is so much to learn. It's really hard to feel alone. My best friend was absent for two years, when he was married to a bipolar woman, which didn't last. Families don't often have time for you. They are busy with their own families. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Hopefully others will have their ideas as to how they cope with their disabilities and their feelings of isolation from the world. Feel free to write me anytime. DanaHi Paul:-) Same here. Diving accident, C5/6. Just 2 years later in 1993. Was wondering, what kind of problems you are having at this stage of life ? I am having serious mental problem while mixing with AB's. I feel that they think me very different, a person who is only a burden. Their attitude says "Ohh, poor fellow...". My old friends forgot and ignored me long time back. I couldn't find any AB, who will talk to me normally. Any discussion always lead to my disabled condition. I feel very lonely in this world. Is it some kind of syndrome ? **************Access 350+ FREE radio stations anytime from anywhere on the web. Get the Radio Toolbar! (http://toolbar.aol.com/aolradio/download.html?ncid=emlcntusdown00000003)
