test In a message dated 1/10/2010 6:32:58 P.M. Central Standard Time, [email protected] writes:
(*this email is coming back so i'm resending it, hope you guys don't get it twice) I totally agree with you Dan, besides it's not about blaming ourselves or someone else, that state of mind won't get us anywhere and it certainly won't change anything. I think it's best to just accept what happened without focusing on why it happened or if we deserve it or not, or who is at blame. Things happen for a reason and we should try and make the most of it and even turn it into a learning experience. I know I've learned a lot, and even though i'm living a very different life than before my injury, I can still enjoy life. I'm even in a way grateful for some opportunities that I've had that I wouldn't have had before my injury. So why waste time and energy in thinking who's to blame for my condition. Just makes no sense to me at all. _www.lissettesgoaltowalk.synthasite.com_ (http://www.lissettesgoaltowalk.synthasite.com/) _www.lwgripgloves.com_ (http://www.lwgripgloves.com/) ____________________________________ Date: Sun, 10 Jan 2010 18:01:41 -0500 To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] WHO is responsible for putting you in a wheelchair... Hi Lori, I certainly wouldn't consider that your fault. Unless you consider that anything we do may result in a tragedy. The very act of getting out of bed in the morning could lead to a fall and a broken neck. So, one could say that it was my fault for getting out of bed in the morning. I should've just stayed in bed. But then I might fall back asleep and the house could catch on fire. I end up getting horribly burned -- was that my fault for staying in bed so that I might not fall and break my neck? I guess what I'm trying to say is -- shit happens. Life is a crapshoot. The only option we have is to deal with the hand that is dealt to us. And as we read the quad list we see that is exactly what is happening. Dan At 01:24 PM 1/10/2010, Lori Michaelson said something that elicited my response: I changed the subject line so it would be a little more apropos. When Lucinda wrote what she did below regarding "Chances are it's your fault and/or your stupidity that put you in a chair in the first place.." with a few responses from people here ... I must add my two cents because of what I fought (in my mind) for many many many years about this very comment/subject. Since my husband began to be my primary caregiver for a myriad of reasons (but not of choice) we would sometimes get into arguments whereby HE THOUGHT (with my responses during the argument) THAT *I* WAS SAYING/IMPLYING/COMING ACROSS AS it was him that put me in the wheelchair. You know how arguments can start out so very little and began to snowball into misunderstandings which lead to more misunderstandings which keep the argument going and so on and so forth. After all my husband has done for me over so many years he feels very unappreciative because I am not as appreciative as I should be. It does not matter what the argument is about or even him being my caregiver. Both of those are irrelevant to what I am about to say but it made me think about exactly who was responsible for making me a quadriplegic and in this wheelchair. Sometimes when he would have a response (during an argument) he would say "I wasn't the one who put you in that wheelchair!" That sentence put me on the defensive each and every time because, of course, I have never thought it could possibly be my fault in any way whatsoever. Oh no, no, no... not me! So, embarrassingly enough, I have grown up over the last few years and have realized that indeed, I am 99.9% responsible for getting into a situation that resulted in quadriplegia for the last 30 years. I was 15 years old and was dating a 17-year-old. We lived in a small-town and he had a car. My mother let me drive with him (usually small distances). The night he stopped by my house and he was going to go to McDonald's to pick up dinner for his father... I., like a spoiled brat, insisted that I go with him. I can't remember all the exact circumstances regarding me getting in the car that night at 7 PM (after dark in October in the Northeast) but I did get in the car and I do remember having a fit because my boyfriend didn't really want me to go. I can't remember the reason for that. And I am not sure .... but I do not recall my mother knowing that I even went with him. The results? Even in a small town on a quiet, two-lane road, people can just be at the wrong place at the wrong time. And, with my boyfriend being only 17 and therefore obvious an inexperienced driver -- we were at the wrong place at the wrong time but because I do not remember the accident itself... I don't know how much my boyfriend was at fault for the accident. Not 100% for certain reasons but just keeping in mind he was an inexperienced driver. Everything else was just bad timing. Sadly enough my mother passed away from Pancreatic Cancer after my accident and not too long after I came home from my year-long stint in the hospital. But now that I have been an adult myself and if my mother were around today I would really like to ask her "What the hell were you thinking letting me go with him -- at any time?" I do know that my mother had always been the disciplinarian as I was growing up and when my father was alive (my father passed away when I was 13 years old from liver failure) but looking back now I see that my mother got much much much more lenient with me after my father passed away. I can make some educated guesses but I will never know really why she became more lenient ... in this life anyway. Bottom line... I can now realize that it was me, myself and I that put me in the car that fateful night. Sure, there were extenuating circumstances but "I" made the choice of getting in the car. And I can't read the future! LOL Lori Michaelson Age - 45 C4/5 complete quad, 30 years post Tucson, AZ RE: [QUAD-L] RECOMMENDATIONS Steve Oldaker Sat, 02 Jan 2010 18:29:32 -0800 You're not crass at all, Lucinda. I consider your recommendations profound and well spoken! With love and warmest wishes, Steve - C4, 21 years From: LJT [_mailto:[email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) ] Sent: Saturday, January 02, 2010 8:18 PM To: [email protected]_ (mailto:[email protected]) Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] RECOMMENDATIONS Don't be a bitch, don't be a prick to your help; don't blame the world for the fact that you're a quad, chances are it's your fault and/or your stupidity that put you in a chair in the first place; always have extra supplies on hand!!! Yeah I know I haven't been a quad for very long. And I know I sound a little crass, but remember these words are typed, not spoken. But there is one person on this board that I've spoken to over the phone (you know who you are) that can attest to the fact that I'm not crass when speaking. Lucinda C-4,5 complete July 31, '05 Mpls., MN -- Lori Age - 45 C4/5 complete quad, nearly 30 years post Tucson, AZ ____________________________________ Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. 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