I have been using Dan's approach for more than 15 years now. I now have family members who take care of me, but I still use the same approach.
There are times when I still have to establish boundaries even with my family, but it needs to be done in a polite way. This approach doesn't fit everyone, so try to develop your own. Quadius On Fri, Jun 4, 2010 at 8:19 PM, Dan <[email protected]> wrote: > Well I guess there's two approaches you can take. The first is the > supervisor type. Wherein, you treat your PCAs strictly as employees. Many > quads use this approach, and it seems to work for them. I've tried this > approach, but I found it very lonely. > > I use the other approach, wherein the people that work with me become my > true friends. I want them to care about me as they would any other good > friend. I've been doing this for over 20 years and it has worked out very > well. My PCAs share everything with me and I do the same with them. You can > still set boundaries, but it's done in a friendly way. Just like you would > with any friend. For instance, if they are continually late. I might say -- > so, what's up with that being late business? > > I have had arguments with my PCA's sometimes even fights though we always > make up. And since we are friends, they always make sure that someone will > be there for me unlike the supervisor role, where the PCA thinks of me as > just another boss. In other words, since I'm not their friend they would > have no problem quitting on the spot and leaving me high and dry - or low > and wet ;). And yes, I've been a counselor to them many a time, and vice > versa. > > So this way has worked well for me, but for others perhaps not. It's a > choice you have to make based on your own personality. > > Dan > > > > At 07:35 PM 6/4/2010, [email protected] said something that elicited > my response: > > > This question is for those of you who have aids that are not not consumer >> employed. I am attending college and am >> 3 hours away from home. How and where do you draw boundaries with your >> aids? A lady I respect told me to keep our relationship a business one. >> >> My problem is this in the past I have become friends with these women >> (it's difficult not to.) But then I tart hearing about there problems >> and our relationship is no longer a working relationship. Seems they take >> that as a sign as they can come, do very little and >> or take care of personal calls for instance. My dorm is a small area so I >> hear the whole conversation. My aid spoke to her child's teacher >> this am. She was on the phone over 5 minutes then when she got off began >> to explain the difficulty she is having with her >> daughter. It is not that I do not care I do! (Probably too nice for my own >> good.) I just do not want to become someones counselor. >> Do you listen but make no comment and hope she will keep info to herself? >> >> I have been working on establishing boundaries. To protect them from me as >> well as me from them. My last aid showed up with >> booze on her breath. I told her boss but instead of confronting her >> employee saying something like, "a consumer reported that they >> smelled alcohol on your breath.... She told her "Shelly tolm me....." then >> my aid called me and it became personal. Anyway I just >> want to do the right thing. How do you guys draw those lines or even set >> the standards? How friendly or even how much >> info do you give up? >> >> My "accident" was a blessing in many ways and I have learned many valuable >> lessons these past soon to be 4 years.I am >> grateful for all that I have been given and do believe it's my purpose to >> be a blessing. That does not mean that I let people >> get away with things that are unacceptable. Am I making a big deal out of >> nothing? She is a sweet girl... I am going to "shut up" >> >> Blessings~ >> Shelly >> C6-C7 Incomplete >> July 31 will be 4 years >> > >
