My husband and I cannot have children. It is me and we knew before the SCI ever happened. So for us, it made our nieces and nephew that much more important for us. My nephew was seven when I got my injury. His younger sister was five. His youngest sister was seven months old. She and I were learning to walk at the same time and she made it look so easy. Much of it was a learning experience for me as well as the kids. One thing they learned was that people in wheelchairs or with other disabilities shouldn't be treated as invisible. Before my SCI, I was the one who taught my nephew and older niece how to swim. I used to be a lifeguard in school during the summers and that was part of our jobs, so it was easy for me to do. I was the one who took photos of them and made their albums (their mom wasn't very crafty or organized). I sewed them some outfits. I took them on hikes or to play in the park. We did earth science studies on those days (must share my interests). We went to Chicago to the museums, aquariums, China town, and saw a stature of Michael Jordan. We had fun. After the SCI, my nephew was so scared looking at me in the bed. The poor kid didn't know what to do. His parents had explained to him and his younger sister what had happened and that I could not use my legs anymore. He didn't understand why I was in pain and kept begging his parents to make it stop. He knew because I would grip the rails and hold my breath. Try as I might, I could not breathe through the pain. He was very distressed. His younger sister knew something was wrong, but didn't quite know what. She just sat quietly on someones lap while watching me.
After, I got out of the hospital and was able to move more, I would try to do things with the kids. My nephew was the one who got panicked when I got trapped in my friend's basement. Thankfully, we had already gone over the safety plan for if something went wrong. I did tell the kids NOT to try to help if I was falling. I said that even if they didn't care if they got hurt that trying to help me to actually hurt me more because I might twist wrong or jerk in a way to re injure myself. We explained the procedure was to get Uncle or if he was not available and I wasn't able to talk and answer questions then to call 911. So the kids had a plan. I wanted to make my injury less scary for the kids so I always explained what my equipment was used for or why it was needed. In the beginning when I had the walker, the kids would play on it like a miniature jungle gym. I always made sure they were not going to tip over, otherwise, I let them climb. We would get looks and I would explain to the adults that the kids are processing my injury in their own way to understand. And the kids really were. If my equipment could be fun for them, then my SCI was less scary. In the early days, I had AFOs that were not hinged. I walked stiffly and slowly. I hated ramps because the braces made my legs always remain at a 90 degree angle to the ground which is not great for balance on a ramp. I decided to try to step down off the curb even though it would take more energy. I was standing there trying to figure it out with my husband beside me. It was taking a bit longer than it should, my first curb and all, having to figure out what to do. My niece, thinking she was being helpful, came up behind me and announced that she was going to give me a push. The poor thing didn't understand the panicked cries of all the adults. My husband even moved to intercede and catch the little one before she got to me. Of course, we explained that I had to do it on my own if I was every going to be able to deal with curbs in the future and she seemed to understand. We also explained "pushing" is never the way to help me. My littlest niece was about two or three when this next incident occurred. We went to soccer to watch her siblings play. It was a huge open field that had different teams playing in various spots. Her sister was on the farthest end while her brother was near enough to the parking lot that I was able to walk out and then sit in a folding chair. His game ended and I planned to stay to watch the next team while he, his mom, and my husband went down to watch my niece. The youngest one wanted to stay with me. So we sat to watch. For some reason she decided that we should go to watch her sister. I laughed and told her that I could not go that far. She was a clever one and knew that I always went places with my cane. She picked up my cane and took a few steps away and said in a sing-song voice, "Come get it." The poor thing didn't understand that I needed my cane to walk. She thought I really liked it and always took it places. I couldn't help, but laugh at her naivety. Then I realized the horror stricken faces of the people around us. In their eyes, a little girl was teasing a disabled person by taking away her means of mobility. I tried to explain to the adults that my niece didn't fully understand the need for the cane, but the damage was done. People were whispering to each other and pointing at the child with looks of disgust or outrage. I felt so bad for the kid. Luckily, my husband, nephew, niece, and their mother came back at that time. I quickly said that we had to get out of there before the crowd turned openly hostile on the toddler. I explained on the way to the car. My husband felt bad for the niece having shocked the crowd at her antics and carried her trying to explain that I needed to cane to move, not that I always went where the cane was. My nephew chewed out his sister for taking my cane because I needed it. His other sister looked scared and kept looking around as if waiting for someone to jump out at us. Their mother laughed. She said that she would have to make sure to explain again to the parents that she knew that she didn't raise cruel children. The kids really did learn a lot about SCI and the psychology of the disabled. They do their best to say "Hi" to someone with a disability just like they do with others. They don't just help, but will ask if the person wants help. That because of a learning lesson from a total stranger. We were at a buffet and person came up trying to take my plate to carry it for me. I explained that I was trying to show my husband that I could do it so he wouldn't think that he had to carry my plate. I actually had to tug a few times before she would let go. My nieces and nephew have gotten so good at being open minded that I guess they talked to a drunk man thinking his had mobility problems because of the way he was staggering and weaving. Their mother was with them and could smell the booze on the guy, plus she knows what a drunk person is like, and tried to steer the kids away. She was stressed because she was worried he was one of those angry drunks, but he talked to the kids and then wandered off. I don't get to do all the things that I used to with the kids, but I am getting back into things. My youngest doesn't know how to swim, but she has so many more photos of herself than the others. We are going to start a photo album together of all her photos. I don't want it to sound creepy, but we call it modeling and she helps determine where we will go and she picks out her own clothes. I ask what she wants the photo to say and we discuss the difference a smile can make or how dramatic a black and white shot can be. I am teaching all of them to sew. The oldest niece is pretty good, but isn't confident and wants me right beside her. The youngest makes mistakes but has quite a bit of fun doing it all by herself. We don't hike, but we make terribly messy experiments in the kitchen. We make play dough volcanoes and add baking soda and then a little bit of vinegar to watch it erupt. Sometimes we add red food coloring to make it look more like lava. We do our best to have fun. Candle "Scars remind of us where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we are going." ~David Rossi of Criminal Minds ***********************************************************************
