W Post
Date uncertain
On Faith
Why Religious Beliefs Make People Happier
Sally Quinn
I keep thinking that if only I had a private plane, I would be really
happy. Seriously. I can’t think of any greater luxury. You decide when you
want
to go. Your chauffeur pulls up to the plane on the tarmac, the stewards and
pilots welcome you and carry your bags in. You settle into deep, wide
leather seats. You are served anything you want when you want it. If the
weather is really bad, you can tell the pilot not to take off or to land. If
you’
re traveling to a foreign country, customs officials get on the plane to
check your passport.
We all want to be happy. I certainly do. We are all looking for answers. I
am. We read self-help books and philosophy books and psychology books. We
try meditation and yoga and exercise. We think that if only we had more
money, a higher IQ, a better marriage, more friends, more successful children,
lived in a warmer climate, or believed in God, we would be a lot happier.
We compare ourselves to others who seem to have more, to determine if they
are happier than we are.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Well, at least some of that is wrong.
We’re not going about it the right way.
Catherine Sanderson, a psychology professor at Amherst College, recently
gave a talk, “Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness,” in which she
described things that we think will make us happy, but don’t, and things
that really do.
I was shocked.
It turns out that a private plane would not make me happier. (I’m still not
convinced.) It also turns out that people who have religious or spiritual
beliefs are happier than those who don’t, no matter what their beliefs.
Somehow that doesn’t seem fair to those who don’t or can’t believe, but
Sanderson’s research doesn’t lie.
Religious beliefs, she says, “give people a sense of meaning.” It also
gives them a social network. “It gives a sense of well being or comfort.”
Despite the misguided notion that suffering makes us better people, the
fact is that happiness is good for you and others. “It matters,” says
Sanderson, “as members of our society.” Happy people are more helpful, more
productive, and more loyal. Happy people are in better physical shape,
healthier, and heal faster.
Perplexingly, the things we believe will make us happy actually don’t have
any effect on our sense of well being, according to Sanderson. A high IQ
doesn’t make you happier.
In fact, I know some really smart people who are miserable. Money? Forget
it. Unless you are below the poverty line, it makes no difference how rich
you are. The more you have, the less satisfied you may be. Sanderson quotes
Benjamin Franklin: “The more one has, the more one wants.”
Good weather doesn’t matter either. (Tell that to me in the middle of an
ice storm). She quotes John Steinbeck as saying, “I’ve lived in good weather
and it bores the hell out of me.” Major and minor life events, says
Sanderson, like a new job or house, are great but don’t last. “You get used to
it.” Marriage, which is initially exciting, becomes routine. My favorite
observation: “For men, being married makes you happier and it doesn’t matter
who [you] are married to,” while a bad marriage for women makes them
unhappy. Children? They’re cute in the abstract, but having children doesn’t
make you happier.
So what does? Good news!
Religion and nature make us happy.
Bad news: Shopping, but not for ourselves, eating well, getting enough
sleep, exercising and sex make us happy. Sex makes us very, very happy.
However, men who watch porn are less interested in their wives. Sorry guys.
Porn does not make you happy.
Young people are less happy than old people. There’s the mid-life crisis
at age 50, but people in their seventies and eighties show increased
happiness. Although I can’t help wondering if that’s the thank-God-it’
s-almost-over syndrome.
High self esteem and optimism make us happy. Being able to take a bad event
and make it into a good event.
Extroversion: We benefit from social environments.
One of the most important elements is happiness in relationships. “
Relationships matter,” she says. “Having close friends and family.”
Sanderson quotes C.S. Lewis: “Affection is responsible for 9/10ths of
whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.” Being around happy
people is huge. Smiling even if you’re not happy makes you happier. “
Happiness is contagious,” says Sanderson, and she quotes Elizabeth Gilbert as
saying “happiness is a choice.”
Nobody needs to be told that comparing your life to others you think have a
better life will not make you happy. In fact, it can make you crazy.
Sanderson quotes Teddy Roosevelt as saying that “comparison is the thief of
joy.”
Why are religious people happier? Sanderson thinks it’s less about what you
believe than the fact that you have a community, a church, a synagogue, a
Bible Study group. It’s the social support network that is fulfilling. You
could well be working in a soup kitchen, joining a book club, or belonging
to a neighborhood watch. It’s the sense that we are looking after one
another that matters.
She also thinks that people who are believers have a certain mindset: the
power of prayer, the belief in an afterlife, the sense that someone is
looking after you, that there is a higher power, that things happen for a
reason. This mindset, she says, helps people make sense of tragedy, struggles,
and loss. One can believe, “I’ll see this person later,” or “God only gives
you what you can handle‚” or “there is a silver lining in the suffering.”
“Religion,” she says, “is about helping other people and having others
looking after you.”
Sanderson says that she is what I call SBNR, spiritual but not religious.
She says she is generally happy but even happier when she is giving her
speech about happiness. “I have to put my money where my mouth is,” she says.
Giving the talk reminds her of what makes her the happiest, being with
friends and family and her community. If she doesn’t give the talk for a
while,
she will suddenly “feel the need coming on” to remind herself.
I will be taking a week in the Caribbean in February. I will go to the
airport, wait in endless security lines, pay overweight for baggage, learn the
flight was delayed, sit in the middle seat of the cramped economy class and
buy a $6 snack. This time, though, I will be thinking of all the unhappy
rich people in their private jets worrying about their richer friends in
bigger jets. Not me. I will choose to be happy.
Comments :
* C J
The modified title “Religion is a sure route to true happiness” (and the
contents) of this article which appeared as Ms. Quinn’s op-ed in The
Washington Post demonstrate her very limited thinking ability.
Religion is not at all a sure route to “true happiness” for human beings,
whatever the definition of “true happiness” might be in Ms. Quinn’s mind.
Religion has been, FOR INSTANCE, for quite a few
–of course, not all– priests, bishops, cardinals, and popes in the
Catholic Church during the past approximately 2,000 years a marvelous
means to horribly exploiting laity by brainwashing some of the laity with the
idea that they are/were “God’s representatives” so that not honoring them –
by overlooking their whatever horrible exploitations– would be “
dishonoring God.”
The recent news item http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/22/us/chicago-archd…
(titled “In Files, a History of Sexual Abuse by Priests in Chicago Archdiocese
”) describes the vileness of the priests as well as the
bishops/cardinals/popes who protected the vile priests or at least “ignored”
the vile deeds
of the involved priests. http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-worst-popes-in-histo…
describes the vileness of some of the past popes.
Of course, some of the involved priests/bishops/cardinals/popes COULD argue
that “religion has indeed been a sure route” to their experience of “
happiness,” which most people would characterize as “pervert”! After all,
perverts engage in their pervert deeds with the idea of experiencing “
happiness, ” not “misery.” On the other hand, for the devout Catholics whom
the
vile folks in the Church hierarchy had
exploited, following their “religion” has certainly not been “a sure
route to true happiness.”
* Randy Wanat
Why should someone believe in nonsense, or be made to feel they must, to
have a sense of purpose or meaning in their life and have a social network?
And, let’s not forget how happy religion has made homosexuals, atheists, and
members of minority religions throughout history. Fairy tales are not a
proper foundation for seeking happiness.
* Jim
In the sense that being religious and attending church, synagogue and
mosque makes you happy because you are with people who share your beliefs and
values, religion may make you happy. On the other hand, you will live a life
of guilt because you are not as good as a god demands, and you will depend
on a fickle, unreliable and invisible god to fulfill your needs. I am now
an atheist and feel no less happy than I did when I was a Christian, and
maybe even happier.
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