Dear Fellow Rangernetters;
Greetings, Peace, and so forth.
In as much as I have been keeping company for some years now with like characters, namely- the Royal Ranger commander, the FCF member, Wilderness Frontiersman, et al.
And in as much as I have (as no doubt many of you may also attest to yourselves) become familiar with certain characteristics of said aforementioned company.
And in as much as not the least of these characteristics are some of the most indesirable, and not only possessed by the leaders of this fine organization, but the boys therein as well.
I have considered it to be most prudent to address one particular situation forthrightly, and upon most careful examination, found it necessary to present these findings to you, my fellow Ranger leaders, for your perusal.
And not only for your perusal, but in the sincere hope, that someone, upon reading this resolution, will sponsor and submit it at this years National Royal Ranger Council.
To this end, it is my earnest desire, that all who receive this resolution forward it to thier imediate District Staff members, in hopes that they will become acutely aware of this situation and be compelled to push this motion through, to it's appropriate conclusion.
Therefore, I respectfully submit for your consideration the following RESOLUTION:
WHEREAS, In the Royal Ranger Ministry, Camping accounts for not a little portion of our activity,
AND WHEREAS, there are certain Foods and Meals, which have become customary and traditional to be eaten at Royal Ranger Campouts, among which are the "Mulligan" or "Hobo" stew, s'mores, and let us not forget- the inveterate foil dinner,
AND WHEREAS, it is commonly known, that there are certain foods which, when consumed even in moderation, (a trait which most boys are not generally given to), produce in the bowels a gas which, when emitted, tends to bear a most offensive odor; and SOME foods, such as turtle eggs, and Fried Skunk-which afford a stink that not even the grizzliest of Mountain Men can tolerate,
AND WHEREAS, the sport of Camping generally requires that it's participants dwell in close quarters, namely Tents, thus negating the liberty of convenient retreat upon commission of such offenses,
AND WHEREAS, there are certain other foods, which, upon consumption, produce a gas so pure as to be nearly insensible to even the most delicate of noses and, if the benefactor could but avoid the Resounding Report, should most probably give vent to his feelings unnoticed,
THEREFORE, may it be RESOLVED that a commitee be formed for the express purpose of finding and identifying such foods which may make the natural discharge of wind not only Inoffensive, but agreeable as Perfume,
AND FURTHERMORE, upon discovery of such, publish it accordingly in all the appropriate Manuals and Handbooks, so that we all may pass gas without giving offense, but rather, with blessing.
Your's respectfully,
o2binfcf
Got a question here. Are we supposed to sign this or something? This looks like some kind of contract with legal words in it. :)
God Bless,
Iron Mike
