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Betreff: Super Granny & TODAY'S LAUGH > > An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon > returning to her car, found four males in the act of > leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping > bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at > them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know > how to use it! Get out of the car, you scum bags!" The > four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got > out and ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat > shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the > back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She > was so shaken that she could not get her key into the > ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on > her why. > > A few minutes later she found her own car parked four > or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into > her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant > to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two > with laughter and pointed to the other end of the > counter, where four pale white males were reporting a > car jacking by a mad elderly > woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, > and curly white hair carrying a large handgun. > > No charges were filed. Ah, senior moments! > > > > Jim Reid > San Diego, California ************************************************************************************************** TODAY'S LAUGH A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red is cherry . . . yellow is lemon . . . green is lime . . . orange is orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children sucked on them for a while, but couldn't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're bird brains!" ==================================================== Farmer McCarthy lived for many years with only his dog for a companion.One sad day he found his dog dead from old age. He went to his parish priest and asked if services could be said for his dog. The good father said "oh no, we can't have services for a dog here, but there's a new church down the street that might be wiling." "Father do you think $5,000 might be enough of a donation?" asked farmer McCarthy. "Well man , why didn't me your dog was a catholic!!!?" **************************************************************************** **Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now." **************************************************************************** ** Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you callin' from?" **************************************************************************** |
