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Words seem to have a strange common link that the more a single word is employed in language, the fuzzier it becomes in interpretation. What word is more frequently used than “love”? And yet it is spread so thin that while I employ it in saying that I love my wife, who is dearer to me than my own life, I also use it saying I love my dog, I love a nice day, I love hamburgers, I love God, I love a sports team, and so on.
Another word that falls into the much-used category is spiritual. Because of that, spiritual gets as diffused as love. And its meaning, like that of love, is always and unmistakably shaped by the speaker’s personal bias. I would not be receptive to what some people call love. It is so far from my personal perception of being loved that I would totally reject it. And I sure wouldn’t qualify as being spiritual, as spiritual is defined in the minds of some.
Because spirituality is so subjective, it is almost impossible to “measure” in terms that meet everyone’s idea. But for the purpose of addressing spiritual development in the lives of our children, allow me to shape a common frame of reference. We are formed in the image of God, who is spirit. Thus, spirit is the essence of our being. In turn, in relating to our Father-Creator, it can only be by spirit. To BE spiritual, then, is to be “God-conscious,” as compared to simply indulging in religious exercises and calling that spiritual.
When a dad takes to heart his instruction to “Train up a child . . .” (Proverbs 22:6), he comes to realize there is no training except to achieve some goal. And while training of the mind and body have acceptably measurable criteria, that of the spirit is mostly only observable. The supreme goal that my wife Joyce and I have for our four children is that they love God, trust in Him and follow Him. We have sought to provide for them materially and to educate them to the extent of their capabilities and desires. But above all, we have sought to direct them in spiritual development, realizing they have as great diversity in their spirits as they do in their minds and bodies—which is critical to parental understanding. In this realization, parents discover that what speaks to one child’s spirit is totally foreign to the other’s. I was privileged to baptize each of our four kids, but I did it at different ages as we took into consideration their comprehension of what was happening to them outwardly as a result of what had taken place in them.
The phrase “Train up a child in the way he should go,” is perhaps better translated, “according to his own way,” (i.e. according to his own personality—his own temperament.) Anyone who has more than one child knows you cannot “train” two children the same way. Your goal for each will be the same, but most likely if you get them there, the road for each will be different, for they are different. We have a child who was so sensitive that a strong look would reduce that child to tears. We have another who seemed to be a born agnostic—didn’t believe a thing you said and you had to prove it! Had we disciplined each in the same way, it would have been disaster for the entire family.
In spiritual matters, our children are exposed to classes, sermons, worship, and other Christians that have impact on their development. And that can be good or bad. But the strongest element in healthy, spiritual development will be found in the consistency of parental example, seen in a personal love for God that reveals itself in spiritual (or religious) exercises such as prayer, worship, Scripture reading, and leading a life of morality and caring. For a child to know that this family tithes, gives to missions, attends worship regularly, cares for the unfortunate—because it is A WAY OF LIFE!—prepares a fertile soil for God-consciousness which ultimately produces a truly spiritual person. No one who thinks that by simply indulging in outward, religious exercise on Sunday, that’s all that spiritual is. True spirituality reveals itself in the living of life every day of the week. This is most effectively taught by a dad in the unwavering living out of his faith, day by day, from the child’s earliest recollection.
Again and again there will be markers that let you know if you’re doing the job. Perhaps illustrations from life would serve as my strongest example, and I will choose one instance from the life of each of our four children. Our first child is Director of Research for Family Practice for the University of Texas Medical School in Houston (and rarely wrote home from college). In one of the few letters she sent during her freshman year at Evangel College, she wrote: “Thanks for protecting me from narrow-mindedness. I visited with some friends from another denomination's college today and I could not believe how small they conceive God as being . . . restricted to only their own slant on things.” When her mother and I read that, we rejoiced in her spiritual discernment—not feeling superior, but at the same time having a grip on God that would not rattle her own healthy perception of Him.
Our second child, a teacher at Bridgemont High School in San Francisco, told me at Christmas break that genuine love for God was communicated to her in how she saw me love all the people we pastored through her years of growing up.
When our third child, the Director of Bereavement Services for VITAS Hospice in Dallas, was 9 years old, she came into our bedroom one night feeling ill. I took her into the bathroom, and as I turned to get a glass of water she fainted, striking her head on the tile floor. We were startled and concerned, but as she regained consciousness, I said, “Honey! What happened? How are you feeling?” And lying cradled in my arms, she looked into my eyes and whispered, “Jesus helped me.” I weep today in recalling this, joyous in her early realization that in the most unexpected happenings of life, HE is there! THAT is spiritual!
Our son, the youngest, is a teacher/coach at a large Christian School and a martial arts instructor in Nassau, Bahamas. When he was in fourth grade, I went to see him race in a 220 track meet on a cold, rainy afternoon. Just 15 minutes before the gun, I told him to come with me to the car and we would start the heater and get him warm. As we sat there, I pulled a little New Testament from my pocket and said, “Son, I want you to read this verse,” pointing to Philippians 4:13. I told him to read it again. Then I inquired if he thought he could do it from memory. With that look that little boys have, he said: “Oh, for Pete’s sake, Dad!” He did it perfectly. We returned to the track and the race began. He got off to an incredible start and looked like a sure winner, but on the next-to-final turn, one of the guys from our church said, “Uh-oh! Here comes trouble.” And sure enough, another boy was pulling up on him and in a few more yards, passed him. I sighed, “Man, will he be disappointed.” But coming out of the final turn and down the lane, what appeared to be an almost supernatural burst of energy propelled him victoriously into the tape. I ran and knelt over his collapsed form and held him a little while before saying, “Son, I thought it was all over! What happened?” As he recovered his breath, he gasped, “I can do all things through Christ…”
I knelt there with tears in my eyes. But the kicker was 20 some years later when he came home with a video of his martial arts studio and the classes he does there. Having never seen his facility, I was anxious to get a look. Intrigued with all the activity going on, I suddenly realized, as the camera panned the stark white room, on one wall, in 12 inch letters, was printed: “I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST… Philippians 4:13.” There are probably few such studios boasting such a motto.
As a practicing father I would simply encourage each of my you to, above all, be consistent in your own spiritual pursuit. You never know which moment in life may be the most critical in the spiritual formation of your child. Hopefully, the example lived in reality before that child will be more powerful in its spiritual formation than any questions raised academically, experientially, or in the strong impact made by observing hypocrisy in others.
Knowing we are NOT the Messiah, we accept our parental responsibility as we become “…workers together with him” (2 Corinthians 6:1). |
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NEWS I TRAINING I MEN'S ISSUES I RELATED SITES I RESOURCES
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If you have questions or comments, please e-mail us at honorbound.ag.org. Copyright ©2000 HONORBOUND: Men's Ministry, Assemblies of God. 1445 Boonville Avenue
Springfield, MO 65802-1894. HonorBound is a registered trademark. All rights reserved.
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