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I must begin with the obligatory acknowledgment that a lot has been written on this subject, and that I hardly feel like an expert on being a great dad. As a father of four children, I may at least qualify as above average in terms of quantity! However, it’s quality that concerns me. So, let’s take a look at some of the quality issues that may concern you as well.
THE GREAT DAD—SPIRITUAL LEADER
Great Dads Pray For and Before Their Kids
Praying “before” their kids does not mean being the first in a sequence, but praying, “in front of” them. We all would probably agree that it’s easier to pray in public if one is regular about praying in private, so it follows that we should be people who pray privately. But I’m convinced that dads get special spiritual opposition to the demonstration of spiritual leadership before others, especially family members. It comes in different forms, but the one I’m most familiar with is a reticence to initiate “spiritual activity” in situations outside of the normal religious zones such as church and saying grace before meals.
For example, have you ever had any hesitation to initiate a spontaneous prayer circle when sad news comes to the family? I have. My wife is often more ready for these kinds of things than I, and I’m a little ashamed if I don’t step into the “praying before your kids” spot.
Great Dads Let Their Kids In On God’s Leading
Sometimes it’s important for a great dad to keep decision making between himself and mom, leaving the kids out of it. Uncertainty about location and established relationships can bring undesirable stress to children. However, there are times when significant spiritual growth will come to our kids when they are let in on either a current decision being made, or how one was made previously.
In a recent situation in our family, the Lord blessed us by speaking quite clearly to our oldest child through Scriptures that He revealed privately, confirming a decision we were making. We also were pleasantly surprised to find one of the other children very eager to hear how God was going to do what He had spoken to us, even though it was clear that we didn’t have the complete answer at the time. Our concern that the uncertainty might burden her was rebuffed by a very clear sense of excitement in her eyes. I’ll never forget it.
Great dads will recognize that it is invaluable for kids to share in these experiences if it can be done without them feeling undue pressure of the decision’s consequences.
SIDE BENEFIT: It will lay a foundation for their own decision making in the Lord that will last their entire lives.
Great Dads Let Their Kids See Their Concern for the Lost People That They Know
It’s much easier to be concerned for the lost at large, especially if it’s foreign or out-of-town “lost.” But for the well-known lost person who might live next door, that concern brings with it a greater opportunity to become personally involved. It’s not as easy then.
Great Dads Get Involved With Lost People They Know and Should Let Their Kids See It.
Great dads tell their kids the stories of when they’ve shared the gospel with an unbelieving friend, even when that friend didn’t respond as desired. It helps for kids to see that not all sowing brings an opportunity to reap, and it will encourage them to be sowers regardless of expected results. Great dads will pray regularly with their children for schoolmates, workmates, and neighbors so that their kids will see the gospel as relevant in broader areas than the circle of touch that exists in the local church.
THE GREAT DAD—PROFESSIONAL AT WORK AND HOME
Great Dads Make Travel Count
A dad’s professional commitments are perhaps the most likely external factors to place stress on a family. Traveling can be a tremendous burden on a dad wanting to excel both in the workplace and at home. If great dads have to travel, they take advantage of every opportunity to earn airline miles, hotel points, and whatever other perks possible to bring benefit to the family. Great dads will truly evaluate whether they have to stay out-of-town that extra half day and sometimes they’ll have the family meet them upon arrival to go out for dinner. Great dads include their families in the going and coming, and in the benefits that come from being on the road. (My kids love getting airplane “snacks” that we adults usually despise. Other passengers think I’m really weird when they see me stuffing mine into my carry-on bag.)
Great Dads Occasionally Give Each Child Special Treatment
There are numerous ways to let each child feel special. Great dads take their kids out to eat—one at a time, let them join him at work—one at a time, or let each child in on a special secret. Great care must be taken to avoid imbalance, but these kinds of things reinforce the uniqueness of each child.
Great Dads Custom Design Every Discipline
Great dads fully concentrate on the appropriate response to behavior problems every time they present themselves. With quick fixes being the order of the day, we might be tempted to dispose of a discipline matter with a standard approach even though the particulars, had we noticed them, suggest a customized approach. Standard approaches to disciplinary matters should always be subject to a tailored response based on full disclosure of the facts.
THE GREAT DAD—A REAL LADIES’ MAN
Great Dads Are Great Husbands
I once heard “to be a great dad, you first have to be a great husband.” Clearly, there is no more effective way for dads to demonstrate the virtues of greatness than to model it with their wives. Our kids derive real benefits from mom and dad’s relationship, especially a sense of security, so necessary in today’s broken home culture. I’ve found that if there’s strife among our children, it often is due to underlying tension between their mom and dad (that means me). I saw a T-shirt recently that said “When momma’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy!” How true. Great dads keep momma happy.
SIDE BENEFIT: Focusing on the marriage helps prevent children from being used as surrogates to meet spouses’ reciprocal needs for affection and affirmation.
Great Dads Are Sensitive to Cross-Gender Affinity
Great dads make the most of relationships with daughters, and aren’t afraid to physically demonstrate affection for their daughters while being wise about how best to do so based on their maturity level. Let’s be alert to prevent society’s current alarm about child abuse from diminishing the manner in which we as dads demonstrate tenderness and affection to our daughters.
SIDE BENEFIT: If done right, great dads will model healthy cross-gender behavior to the younger males.
Great Dads Are Great Their Whole Lives
As I’ve grown older, my own father has not stopped being a great dad. I am still shaped as an adult by his input, even though much differently now, as I attempt to be a great dad myself. I’m thankful for what he was to me when I was in his house, but as I have grown older and have established a home of my own, he continues to be a great dad. It didn’t stop just because I moved out of the house. I need my father’s example now and my kids will need it of me when they’ve set up homes of their own. I hope to have a meaningful relationship with my children, no matter what their ages.
GREAT DADS DO WHAT THEY KNOW TO DO
When I told my four kids that I was writing an article on being a great dad, they laughed! What a blow.
In that lighthearted moment I jokingly countered by telling them that it didn’t matter whether I actually am a great dad, but whether I know how to be a great dad. Talk about an armchair quarterback! But perhaps this really is the crux of the matter. We probably know how to be great dads, but we don’t actually do the great-dad stuff.
To be sure, there are clever and creative ideas that we can glean from one another that might make us more effective, but the Lord has set it up so that there is no one better qualified to be dad to our kids than us. The Lord has also provided wisdom, grace, insight, firmness, and affection that our kids will need from us. In other words, we should “just do it.”
Go ahead, let’s be the great dads our kids deserve, and risk some of our comfort levels for their sakes. |
