This should realy change the subject for awhile. The following came from my God-Parents in South Africa. Darlene and I had a good laugh with it and thought that you would enjoy it aswell. Kerry PREGNANCY Q&A Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, 35 children is enough. Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A.. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A. Childbirth. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A. So what's your question? Q. How long is the average woman in labor? A. Whatever she says divided by two. Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q. When is the best time to get an epidural? A. Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A. Yes, pregnancy. Q. Does pregnancy cause headaches? A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for. Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kids are in college. You never know what a child will say... Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." ***************************************************************** Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted." "What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child. "It means," said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy." ***************************************************************** A four-year-old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in here?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants." ***************************************************************** Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in my life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mom," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: "I've been chosen to clap and cheer." ***************************************************************** A lesson in "heart" is my little, 10-year-old daughter, Sarah, who was born with a muscle missing in her foot and wears a brace all the time. She came home one beautiful spring day to tell me she had competed in "field day" - that's where they have lots of races and other competitive events. Because of her leg support, my mind raced as I tried to think of encouragement for my Sarah, things I could say to her about not letting this get her down - but before I could get a word out, she said "Daddy, I won two of the races!" I couldn't believe it! And then Sarah said, "I had an advantage." Ah. I knew it. I thought she must have been given a head start...some kind of physical advantage. But again, before I could say anything, she said, "Daddy, I didn't get a head start... My advantage was I had to try harder!" ***************************************************************** THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE , An Eye Witness Account from New York City on a cold day in December: A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefoot, peering through the window, and shivering with a cold. A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?" "I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply. The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel. By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?" As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears his eyes, answered the question with these words: "Are you God's Wife?" ************************************************************* _______ To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe rangernet" to [EMAIL PROTECTED] "Eat the hay & spit out the sticks! - A#1's mule" RTKB&G4JC! http://rangernet.org Autoresponder: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
