Got this from another list I'm on - it was too good to pass up - especially since we have so many from "Down Under" on this list! Michael THE STORY OF DAVID AND GOLIATH >From the NASB (New Aussie Strine Bible) Now the ANZACS stood on a mountain on one side of the valley, and the enemy stood on the other side. The enemy had a great lump of a bloke called Goliath, who was over nine feet tall. He had a skid lid of solid brass on his noggin, armour all over him, and his spear must have weighed a ton. Goliath stood and yelled out, "Come on and fight, ya mob of dingoes! Pick out a bloke and let's see what he's made of! If he can bump me off, we'll be your roustabouts, and vice versa." This really scared the living daylights out of the ANZACS. It put the wind up 'em good and proper'. "If only we had Ned Kelly here with his armour on," they said. Even the Prime Minister was spooked out of his brain. Now Dave was the youngest son of Jesse, from a small one-horse hick town out the back of Bourke. Jesse had eight rascals, and was over the hill and just about ready to kick the bucket. The three oldest boys were diggers in the army, but Dave worked for his old man as a sheep musterer. One day Jesse said to Dave, "Come here kid and take this heap of tucker to your brothers in the army. Give a bit to the C.O. as well, so he'll give your brothers a fair go. Now stop muckin' round and get cracking. I haven't got all day". So Dave got up when the day was a pup, picked up his swag, and headed off to see his brothers. It took so long he had to stop for smoko on the way. He boiled the billy and had a good cuppa. Meanwhile, the ANZACS 'were up the creek in a barbed wire canoe'. They were so desperate, the Prime Minister even offered his daughter in marriage to the first bloke who would take on the big yobbo, and she was quite a sheila! Also, they would get a pile of dough into the bargain - that was a bit of alright! But still, no one wanted to have a go. When Dave found one of his brothers, he said "G'day, mate! How ya goin'? They then told Dave what Goliath had said. Dave then asked, "Who does this great nong think he is? Just let me have a go at the ratbag. I'll let him have it!" Dave's oldest brother, Trev, really chucked a mental. He did his block! "What are ya!" he said. "Who do ya think you are, you little squirt! You'd better stop shooting your mouth off, or you'll come a cropper good and proper." "Strike a light," said Dave. "Don't jump down me throat!" "You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag, you little twerp," said Trev. "I reckon I could," replied Dave. When Dave's second eldest brother, Norm, heard what Dave was saying, he laughed his head off, and said "stone the crows, Dave, what do ya think this is - bush week?" Dave's third brother, Fred, couldn't see anything funny in it at all. He just looked at Dave like he'd gone fair round the bend, and said, "why don't you go back to the bush where you belong?" "Fair go," replied Dave, "why don't you give me a break!" Then he took off, yelling over his shoulder, "you no-hopers wouldn't know what day of the week it was!" Dave then went to see the P.M. and told him he would give it a go. The P.M. said, "you've got two chances of killing that greasy giant - Buckley's and none." "Oh, I dunno," said Dave, "The Lord my God helped me kill a dingo and bunyip with my bare hands. I reckon He could help me do this oversized galah like a dinner." When the P.M. saw that Dave was fair dinkum, he finally gave in and tried to give Dave a great stack of armour. Dave could hardly walk with it on. "This is hopeless," he said, "I'll fix him without all this garbage. She'll be right, mate." Then Dave walked out to meet Goliath, carrying only his shanghai. When Goliath saw him, he nearly laughed his head off, saying, "what do you think I am kid, a puppy dog or something? Take one step closer and you'll get the biggest knuckle sandwich you've ever seen. I'll have you for breakfast, ya numb skull." "Come off the grass," Dave yelled back at him. "Just because you've got a head like a hub cap you think you're a big wheel. Well I've got some news for you, buster, and it's all bad! I'm coming against you in the name of the Lord!" As Goliath ran to meet him, Dave quickly popped a gibber into his shanghai, and slung it at Goliath. It went like a rocket, and got him fair on the scone. "Howzat!!" shouted the ANZACS with one voice. Goliath went out like a light and carked it. Dave ran over, took out the giant's sword, and lopped off his noggin. "You little ripper!" all the diggers yelled. They ran down the side of the mountain shouting, "Good on ya, matie," and singing "Come on Aussie, Come on". Later on, the P.M. asked his off-sider who Dave was and where he came from. His reply was that Dave came from the other side of the black stump, where the crows fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes. The P.M. shook his head and said, "What a bottler!" _______ To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe rangernet" to [EMAIL PROTECTED] "Eat the hay & spit out the sticks!" RTKB&G4JC! Autoresponder: [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://rangernet.org
