Just got this from a sister-in-law and thought you would enjoy. ----- > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` > Here are a few lines to amuse: > > The following statements about the bible were written by children and have > not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.) > > In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the > world, so he took the Sabbath off. > > Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. > > Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. > > Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. > > Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. > > The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with > the unsympathetic Genitals. > > Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel > likeDelilah. > > Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. > > Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread > which is bread without any ingredients. > > The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up > on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments. > > The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. > > The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. > > Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in > the battle of Geritol. > > The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand > still and he obeyed him. > > David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the > Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. > > Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. > > When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna > Carta. > > When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in > the manager. > > Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. > > St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head. > > Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before > they do one to you. > > He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." > > It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the > tombstone off the entrance. > > The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. > > The epistles were the wives of the apostles. > > One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. > > St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is > another name for marriage. > > A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony. > > > _______ To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe rangernet" to [EMAIL PROTECTED] "Eat the hay & spit out the sticks! - A#1's mule" RTKB&G4JC! http://rangernet.org Autoresponder: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
