> > "What If God Had Voice Mail" > > We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern > life. But you may have wondered: what if God decided to install voice mail? > Imagine praying and hearing this........ > > Thank you for calling The Lord's House. Please select from the following > options: > > Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS. > > Press 2 for THANKSGIVING. > > Press 3 for COMPLAINTS. > > Press 4 for HEALING. > > Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS. > > Press 6 for RAIN or No RAIN. > > Press 7 for MIRACLES. > > Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS. > > Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES OR JUST TO SAY "HI" > > Press 0 to hear this menu again > > ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ > > What if God used the familiar excuse: "I'm sorry, all the angels are > helping other SINNERS right now. Please stay on the line. Your call is > important to us and will be answered in this millennium. > > Can you imagine getting these kind of responses as you call God in prayer: > > If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press 11. > > For Michael, press 22. > > For a directory of the other Archangels, press 33. > > If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, > please press 55. Then wait for the beep and enter the number of the Psalm > you wish to hear. > > To find out if a loved one has been assigned to heaven, press 62. Enter his > or her social security number, the press the pound (#) key, enter his or her > date of birth, then press the pound (#) key twice. > > For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, > where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion, and UFOs, please > wait until you arrive here, answers can only be understood from a "heavenly > perspective." > > To reach Lucifer, press 666, and your call will be automatically > transferred. PLEASE be careful, your receiver may become warm. > > Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up > and try tomorrow. > > This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday, after > 9:30 A.M., but before 4:30 ACST (Absolute Celestial Standard Time). > > To order any religious material enter catalogue number, quantity, and a > major > credit card number plus expiration date. > > For emergencies, refer to your BIBLE. _______ To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe rangernet" to [EMAIL PROTECTED] "Eat the hay & spit out the sticks! - A#1's mule" RTKB&G4JC! http://rangernet.org Autoresponder: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
