Hey Gang
I just found this little gem and thought I would pass it on to you all.
Politically Correct �Little Red Riding Hood�
There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a
large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a
cure for
cancer if only someone took the time to study them.
Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as "mother",
although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the
person
if a close biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate the
equal value of
nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression
conveyed. One
day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit and mineral water
to her
grandmother's house.
"But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled
for
years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?"
Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had called the union boss and gotten a
special
compassionate mission exemption form.
"But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?"
Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was impossible for womyn to oppress
each
other, since all womyn were equally oppressed until all womyn were free.
"But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the basket, since he's an
oppressor,
and should learn what it's like to be oppressed?"
And Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her brother was attending a special rally
for
animal rights, and besides, this wasn't stereotypical womyn's work, but an empowering
deed
that would help engender a feeling of community.
"But won't I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she's sick and hence unable to
independently further her own selfhood?"
But Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her grandmother wasn't actually sick or
incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that
any of
these conditions were inferior to what some people called "health".
Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket
to her
grandmother, and so she set off. Many people believed that the forest was a
foreboding and
dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an irrational fear based on
paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an
exploitable
resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable
competitors. Other
people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Hood felt that in a
truly
classless society all marginalized peoples would be to "come out" of the woods and be
accepted as valid lifestyle role models. On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding
Hood
passed a woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some flowers. She
was
startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket.
Red
Riding Hood's teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers, but she was confident
in
taking control of her own budding sexuality, and chose to
dialogue with the Wolf. She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks
in a
gesture of solidarity."
The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through
these woods
alone."
Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will
ignore it
because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has
caused
you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse
me, I
would prefer to be on my way."
Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her grandmother's
house.
But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear,
Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst
into
the house and ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.
Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma's
nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,
"Grandma, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of
wise and
nurturing matriarch."
The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
Red Riding Hood said, "Goddess! Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
"You forget that I am optically challenged."
"And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."
"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn't give in
to such
societal pressures, my child."
"And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"
The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction
appropriate for his
accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened
his
jaws so wide that she could see her poor
Grandmother cowering in his belly.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request
my
permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"
The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her.
At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.
"Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.
"And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood. "If I let you help
me
now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead
to poor
self esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams."
"Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This is an FBI
sting!"
screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden
motion, he sliced off her head.
"Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat and her grandmother
lured
me in here. I thought I was a goner."
"No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've been dealing
with my anger
ever since I saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to
have such a
trauma. Do you have any aspirin?"
"Sure," said the Wolf.
"Thanks."
"I feel your pain," said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper on his firm, well
padded
back, gave a little belch, and said "Do you have any Maalox?"
There's a storm coming, our Storm.
PROCLAIMING GOD'S LOVE TO A DYING WORLD
Say to the captives, 'come out,' and those in darkness, 'Be free!'
Isaiah 49:9
Love in Jesus
Adrian Bonham aka Morning Light, The Larrikin
I looked to the heavens to where God dwells
I looked into my life to see he lives there as well.
Outpost 49
Hawkesbury Royal Rangers
Windsor, N.S.W.
Australia
F.C.F. 94
http://www.summit.net.au/~founder1/
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