> > To those who can appreciate upper management ..... >> > > A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" > contest. They were looking for > > people to submit quotes from their real life > Dilbert-type managers. > > Here are the finalists: > > > > 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able > to access the building > > using individual security cards. Pictures will be > taken next Wednesday and > > employees will receive their cards in two weeks." > (This was the winning > > quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in > Redmond, WA) > > > > 2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown > problems we will encounter." > > (Lykes Lines Shipping) > > > > 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on > information or data. It should be > > used only for company business." (Accounting > manager, Electric Boat > > Company) > > > > 4. "This project is so important, we can't let > things that are more > > important interfere with it." > (Advertising/Marketing manager, United > > Parcel Service) > > > > 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting > the schedule." > > > > 6."No one will believe you solved this problem in > one day! We've been > > working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a > few weeks and I'll let > > you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D > supervisor, Minnesota Mining > > and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) > > > > 7. "My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a > 25-page proposal that only > > needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave > her was damaged and she > > couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was > write-protected." (CIO of Dell > > Computers) > > > > 8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of > people doing what I say." > > (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) > > > > 9. My sister passed away and her funeral was > scheduled for Monday. When I > > told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that > I would have to miss > > work on the busiest day of the year. He then > asked if we could change her > > burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better > for me." (Shipping > > executive, FTD Florists) > > > > 10."We know that communication is a problem, but > the company is not going > > to discuss it with the employees." (Switching > supervisor, AT&T Long Lines > > Division) > > > > 11.We recently received a memo from senior > management saying: "This is to > > inform you that a memo will be issued today > regarding the memo mentioned > > above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division) > > > > 12.One day my Boss asked me to submit a status > report to him concerning > > project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow > would be soon enough. He > > said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have > waited until tomorrow to ask > > for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting > Cards.) > > > > 13.As director of communications, I was asked to > prepare a memo reviewing > > our company's training programs and materials. In > the body of the memo in > > one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical > approach" used by one of > > the training manuals. The day after I routed the > memo to the executive > > committee, I was called into the HR director's > office, and told that the > > executive vice president wanted me out of the > building by lunch. When I > > asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for > perverts (pedophiles?) > > working in her company. Finally, he showed me her > copy of the memo, with > > her demand that I be fired and the word > "pedagogical" circled in red. The > > HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he > looked the word up in his > > dictionary and made a copy of the definition to > send back to her, he told > > me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two > days later, a memo to the > > entire staff came out directing us that no words > that could not be found > > in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in > company memos. A month > > later, I resigned. In accordance with company > policy, I created my > > resignation memo by pasting words together from > the Sunday paper. (Taco > > Bell Corporation) > > > > >> __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices http://auctions.yahoo.com/ _______ To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe rangernet" to [EMAIL PROTECTED] or visit http://rangernet.org/subscribe.htm http://rangernet.org Autoresponder: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
