This came to me today and with the slowness, I think it is worth your reading. God Bless.
Keith Brooks
----- Original Message ----- From: "A/G News and Info" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Monday, April 11, 2005 7:00 PM
Subject: [ag-news] AG NEWS #1109: April 11, 2005
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ** A DAD'S "JOB ONE"
(Editor's note: Following is a story by Josh McDowell written for "HonorBound: A Christian Man's Magazine." It is being reprinted here, with permission. Although not a typical "AG News" story and geared towards men, this article is actually about family health -- and the vital role a father plays.)
I was at a crucial point in finishing a manuscript to meet a deadline when Sean, who was 7-years-old at the time, approached me.
"Not now, Sean," I said. "I've got to finish this manuscript."
My disappointed son had no sooner left the study than my wife, Dottie, entered the room.
"Honey," she said, "you're always going to have deadlines. But you're not always going to have a 7-year-old son wanting his daddy's time."
She was right, and I knew it. I had made a thoroughly common - and utterly critical - mistake: acting as if I had a more important job than being a father to my children. Without another moment's hesitation I put down my pen, pushed the large, comfortable chair away from the desk, and hurried to find Sean.
--The most important job in the world--
The task of being a father is of critical importance, and it has never been more so than in our day and age. A child's relationship with his or her dad is a decisive factor in that young man or woman's health, development and happiness. Consider the following, well-documented findings:
? Dr. Loren Moshen, of the National Institute of Mental Health, found the absence of a father to be a stronger factor than poverty in contributing to juvenile delinquency.
? A study of 39 teenage girls who were suffering from the anorexia nervosa eating disorder showed that 36 of them had one common denominator: the lack of a close relationship with their fathers.
? Johns Hopkins University researchers found that "young, white teenage girls living in fatherless families ... were 60 percent more likely to have premarital intercourse than those living in two-parent homes."
? Dr. Armand Nicholi, author and professor at Harvard Medical School, found that an emotionally or physically absent father contributes to a child's (1) low motivation for achievement; (2) inability to defer immediate gratification for later rewards; (3) low self-esteem; and (4) susceptibility to group influence and to juvenile delinquency.
Based on my interaction with hundreds of moms, dads and kids, I would agree with those findings. Not only that, but the results of those studies correspond closely with recent research among youth in evangelical Christian churches as well.
Not long ago, I commissioned a survey of more than 3,700 teens in evangelical churches. The research, assembled by The Barna Research Group, showed that 54 percent of teens and pre-teens in evangelical church families say they seldom or never talk with their father about their personal concerns (compared to 26 percent who say they seldom or never talk with mom about such things). One in every four young people surveyed stated that they never have a meaningful conversation with their father. More than two in five (42 percent) said they seldom or never do something special with their father that involves "just the two of you." And one in five said their father seldom or never shows his love for them.
At the same time, the study revealed that youth who are "very close" to their parents were:
? more likely to feel "very satisfied" with their lives
? more likely to abstain from sexual intercourse
? more likely to espouse biblical standards of truth and morality
? more likely to attend church
? more likely to read their Bible consistently
? more likely to pray daily.
The research strongly indicates that the father's presence and influence is a crucial factor in a child's health, development and happiness. This does not mean that mothers are not important; however, it does underscore the fact that, in most cases, Mom has been there, taking care of the children and spending time with them. As a result, it seems, children have come to expect Mom to be accessible, loving, communicative and accepting.
With Dad, however, the law of supply and demand comes into play. In many cases he is less accessible, less involved or less communicative. With attention and time from him in short supply, an aura of greater significance builds around that relationship. Just like all of us, our kids crave what they do not have, and in too many cases they do not have a close relationship with their dads.
--The overworked dad--
I've learned that striving to balance our roles as husbands and fathers with our job or ministry is a recipe for frustration. It's not an issue of balance. It's one of priority. I don't have one job - I have many. My role as father is "Job One," the most important job God has entrusted to me.
If you're like many dads, you probably find yourself coming home at the end of a workday mentally and emotionally exhausted, still thinking about what went on that day and what will happen tomorrow. In many cases, we leave ourselves limited reserves for parenting (not to mention home maintenance, church activities, community involvement and a host of other activities that vie for our time and effort).
If you're an overcommitted dad, your challenge is twofold. First, you need to reevaluate your personality and priorities. Perhaps you feel more significant, or even more secure, if you are busy. Are you overcommitted because you want it that way? Or have you failed to set priorities to determine (from a Christian perspective) what is most significant in your life? You may be uncomfortable grappling with these questions. But avoiding these questions may cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children.
Ray had to evaluate his priorities and decide what his most important job was. "The company vice president called me into his office," Ray said, "and told me that I was to be promoted to a new position. It would mean that our family would relocate in another city, and I would have additional responsibilities. Initially I was thrilled because I never could resist a new challenge.
"As with every important decision I've been faced with, I began to seek God's direction. When I committed this opportunity to Him, He helped me see that it would not be healthy for our family. My relationship with my two sons is so fulfilling that I knew I couldn't give it second place to a job. It was hard to decline the promotion, knowing I might not get another chance like this again. But in my heart I knew I'd made the right choice."
The second challenge for the busy dad is to work smart. For example, Neil is a salesman who travels within his state. He frequently has to be away from home Monday through Friday. When Neil has a week like that, he makes sure that Saturday is family day. His children look forward to that day, knowing they'll have their dad's full attention.
The smart dad who is busy looks for ways to make the maximum use of briefer time periods. A 20-minute walk with your daughter can accomplish much if you give her your full attention during that time. Twenty minutes of one-on-one basketball in the driveway with your son can be as good for that relationship as it will be for your heart and waistline. A regular family dinnertime - with the TV and telephone off - can be a haven of warm, cheerful conversation for every family member.
It may take extra effort, it may mean shifting some priorities, but a busy man can still be an effective father, if he makes the care of his family and raising of his children "Job One."
--Reprinted with permission of "HonorBound" magazine and Josh McDowell
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