Dear Aunt Ethel                                                     6
September 2009

Well, I’ve been having an exciting time and no mistake! I came down as
you know to hide in the woods from Nurse Nellie and the Child Support
Agency. Some men came to help me. They would not say where they came
from but I think Mummy sent them. Does Royal Protection Squad mean
that they are related to the Queen?

Mr Neil was rude about the men. He said they were “Just cardboard cut-
outs” and boasted that he would blow their heads off with his tank! Mr
Neil is very rude. I have put him in my diary on the list of Nasty
Men. He was right about the heads though.

Anyway, today things came to a head. The Tank men came and Mr Pete
said he would protect me! He still has his Valentine which looks like
a tank but drives like a bollard and he said he would use it as a
field gun. Mr Pete is not a cardboard cut-out but I don’t think Mummy
can have sent him because doesn’t she have tanks that work?

I will write some more, but one of the cut-out men is going to the
post-box (one of the ones who’s head is not blown off*) and says he
will take my letter.

Your loving nephew

Unfortunate Eric

*The man, not the post-box.


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