10 Oct 2009:
In a surprise press meeting this morning, the Tri-Pact Institute of
Technology (TIT) announced that Dr. Joe Sommer of Penn State
University had been awarded the Tri-Pact Peace Prize, their most
prestigious bi-quarterly award. Dr. Sommer was chosen for his "vast
experience teaching students how to design expensive, non-destructive
robotic platforms". As a Peace Prize recipient, Dr. Sommer will
travel to Gettysburg this Saturday, October 17 to receive his award
and the lucrative cash prize that goes with it, valued at almost $37
(Canadian). A Tri-Pact representative cited the poor economy as the
reason for the reduced prizes this year, stating "there was only so
much bail-out money to go around."
Controversy ensued almost immediately following the announcement, with
industry experts and other potential awardees noting that most of the
platforms developed by Dr. Sommer's students have been used by Dr.
Sommer himself on the battlefield. "He's basically running an
academic sweat-shop to fuel his quest for power", stated Steve Tyng, a
long-time business associate of Dr. Sommer. He continued to state
that, "clearly, I've done more over the years to promote peace in the
R/C tank world, acting as a mediator between both sides of each and
every conflict". Mr. Tyng was considered by many to be the front-
runner for the Peace Prize in this bi-quarter and the surprise
announcement about Sommer cut deep into his heart. "I'll definitely
be traveling to Gettysburg myself this Saturday to see the ceremony
and wish Joe the best of luck", Tyng muttered as he stopped the
interview.
Many experts, including this reporter, believe that Tyng will do more
than just attend the ceremony. In fact, they believe that he will
launch an attack to take the Peace Prize (and cash award) by force.
This reporter has learned that travel arrangements have also been made
by the Pittelli Brothers, with their private jets (they always travel
separately) scheduled to arrive in Gettysburg on Saturday, at exactly
10am-ish. "Sure, Tyng called, asked for some help and the Brothers
are always ready to help a friend", an anonymous spokesperson stated,
"especially for a piece of the action". Will Montgomery, a long-
time associate of the Pittelli Brothers cut right to the point, "we're
basically going to kick some peace-nick #%& in good ole PA".
Once again, peace in the mid-Atlantic region is hard to achieve and
maintain, but perhaps the awarding of the Tri-Pact Peace Prize will
light the candle of hope, not the wick of a powder-keg.
Vern Dernberger
Chief International Reporter
Tri-Pact News Service
"We Make The News"
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