Diet Questions Answered

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste 
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart 
will
not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your 
car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and 
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an 
efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. 
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a 
pork
chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable 
products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that 
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way.      Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If 
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise 
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. 
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should 
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best 
feel-good food around!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

   Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about 
food and diets.

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition 
and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting 
nutritional
studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than 
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than 
Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks 
than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than 
Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and 
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

lr smiles
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