On 10/26/07, delma bliss <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Hi, This is very cute. Thanks for getting my day off to a good start--with a chuckle.
Sherri > Hi, I got this from someone, & it had some bad stuff in it > so heres a cleaner version of it > enjoy > Delma > > Dear Diary, > > For my 60th birthday this year, my daughter IRENE (the dear) purchased > a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I > am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader > 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it > a try. > > I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer > named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics > instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter > seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged > me to keep a diary to chart my progress. > > MONDAY : > Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was > well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting > for me. > She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes > and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed > me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she > conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! > Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already > aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going > to be a FANTASTIC week-!! > > TUESDAY : > I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. > Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - > then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the > treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it > all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. > > WEDNESDAY : > The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the > counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a > hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to > steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. > Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other > club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning > and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. > My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the > stair 'monster'. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate > an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would > help me get in shape & enjoy life. She said some other stuf too. > > THURSDAY : > Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her > thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help > being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. > Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I > ran & hid in the restroom. > She sent another skinny person to find me. > Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine - > which I sank. > > FRIDAY : > I hate that person Belinda > more than any human being has ever hated any > other human being in the history of the world. > Stupid, skinny, anemic, little cheerleader! > If there was a part of my body I could move > without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. > > Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. > I don't have any triceps! & > if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells > or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. > The treadmill flung me off > & I landed on a health & nutrition teacher. > Why couldn't it have been someone softer, > like the drama coach or the choir director? > > SATURDAY : > Belinda left a message on my answering machine > in her grating, shrilly voice > wondering why I did not show up today. > Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. > However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote > & ended up catching 11 straight hours > of the Weather Channel. > > SUNDAY : > I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today > so I can go & thank GOD that this week is over. > I will also pray that next year > my daughter IRENE will choose a gift for me that is fun > - like a root canal . > I still say if God had wanted me > to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! > > > > > > --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
