01. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
02. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
03. I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
04. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
05. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
06. I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day!
07. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
08. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
09. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13. If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower
your standards.
14. You may touch the dust in this house...but please
don't write in it!
15. Apology...Although you'll find our house a mess,
come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look
like this: Some days it's even worse.
16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen
is delirious.
17. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap
18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator
20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for
they shall never cease to be amused.
21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
22. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
23. Countless number of people have eaten in this
kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
24. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
25. Gardening forever . . . Housework, never!
26. Dull women have immaculate houses.
27. I'd live life in the fast lane but I am married to a
speed bump.
28. HOMES RULES:
If you sleep on it .......... make it up.
If you wear it ............... hang it up.
If you drop it ............... pick it up.
If you eat out of it ........ put it in the sink.
If you step in it ............ wipe it off.
If you open it ............... close it.
If you empty it ............. fill it up.
If it rings...... ............... answer it.
29. EMERGENCY NUMBERS:
Pizza 555-0987
Chinese 555-0876
Deli 555-0776
Grandma 555-0000
Shirley
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