Hello, I love this one. It's very funny. Thanks for sharing. Original message: > Dear Dogs and Cats: > The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The > other dishes > are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate > and > food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do > I find that > aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing > me to the > bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall > faster than you > can run. > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about > this. > Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your > comfort, however. > Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not > necessary > to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest > extent possible. > I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging > out on the > other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. > For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by > some miracle, > I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary > to claw, whine, > meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt > to open the > door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the > bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. > The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other > dog or cat's > butt. I cannot stress this enough. > Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on > the front > door: > TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: > (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your > clothes, > stay off the furniture. ; That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I > like my pets > a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, > they > are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and > don't speak > clearly. > Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, > (2) don't > ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come > when called, > (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using > people; (7) don't > smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to > buy the latest > fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if > they get pregnant, > you can sell their children .. > ________________________________________ > -- Email services provided by the System Access Mobile Network. Visit www.serotek.com to learn more about accessibility anywhere.
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