> >Ode to plurals.... > >We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, > >But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. > >One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, > >Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. > >You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, > >Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. > >If the plural of man is always called men, > >Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? > >If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, > >And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? > >If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, > >Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? > >Then one may be that, and three would be those, > >Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, > >And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. > >We speak of a brother and also of brethren, > >But though we say mother, we never say methren. > >Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him, > >But imagine the feminine: she, shis, and shim! > >Let's face it - English is a crazy language. > >There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; > >Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. > >English muffins weren't invented in England . > >We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, > >We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, > >And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea , nor is it a pig. > >And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, > >Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? > >Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. > >If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, >what do > >you call it? > >If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? > >If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? > >Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English > >should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. > >In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? > >We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. > >We have noses that run and feet that smell. > >We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. > >And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, > >While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? > >You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language > >in which your house can burn up as it burns down, > >in which you fill in a form by filling it out, > >and in which an alarm goes off by going on. > >And in closing, > >If you call your father 'pop,' how come mother is not 'mop?'
Alberta and Miss Ivy --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
