SMH - Spectrum Richard Glover's Return to the planet of the '80s AUSTRALIAN history is full of the journals of explorers and anthropologists, many recording the customs and lore of Aborigines. This column has been lucky enough to gain access to the journal notes of a similar expedition - mounted only this week. Some extracts: March 8: Have heard reports from the south of primitive species of businessman, unrecorded in public annals for some time. Have suggested that some sort of scientific expedition should be mounted. March 9: We set out from Tranby College. Our supplies are limited. We have a tape recording of �John Elliott� in which he talks of indigenous Australians and other issues. The voice is rasping and bellicose. One of the anthropologists in our party suggests he might be some sort of transitional type halfway between a human and a koala. We note the way the nose is flattened and leathery. March 10: We reach Melbourne on board the overnight train. Many of the humans here appear quite normal, without any of the strange physiognomy of the �Elliott�. It seems clear that he is a remnant of a forgotten race, most probably the transitional type "the 80s Australian Entrepreneur". Great excitement among our team. He may prove the best-preserved specimen found anywhere outside Spain. March 11: we come across some deserted factories and some abandoned, half-built office blocks. We whoop with joy. Here is certain evidence that in the past decade or two, some �80s entrepreneurs have been in the area. We make drawings of their strange midden heaps, and move on. March 12: Strange reports continue to reach our ears. The "Elliott� has launched some sort of attack on his friends, calling one of them boring and the other politically correct. The anthropologists in our party are thrilled, more convinced than ever that they have found some sort of evolutionary missing link. One of our party makes the journal entry: �It is a characteristic of the koala to piss on his mates from a great height.� March 13: A miserable day. The weather is bleak and the landscape flat. Some in our party talk of giving up. I remind them that our generation of anthropologists bears a great responsibility Every year, there are fewer �80s entrepreneurs. Their community has been ravaged by disease - much of it brought on by their own disgusting habits of overconsumption and excess. Their jail population, of course, is much higher than the national average. We must record their culture before it disappears. March 14: Our journal is becoming rich with details of this nearly forgotten race. Just as the Eskimos are said to have had 14 different words for "snow�, so the 80s entrepreneur had 23 different terms for "laying off workers� - "downsizing�, �restructuring", "focusing on core assets � and so on. It was truly a fascinating culture. Increasingly, a picture is emerging of their society: rarely building anything new; living off the land; consuming what was already there. It was a society that had planted the seeds of its own destruction. We discuss the matter in our hotel that night. Should we mourn the passing of this forgotten race? No. All we can do is smooth its dying pillow. March 15: Investigations have brought us to a place that locals call "the Melbourne Club�. It is believed that the �Elliott" may be there. We sneak inside and hide behind a large leather couch. With a sense of shock we realise we can see the �Elliott� clearly. He is stomping around the room. In his hand is a burning stick from which he regurlarly sucks some sort of smoke. He drinks a sort of brown beverage directly from a can. It is frankly quite frightening to be this close, but we are wrapped in the mantle of scientific gentleman and know we must not flinch from our duty to generations ahead. Every now and then, the �Elliott� approaches the open window and screams down to the populace below: �You�re all stupid, completely stupid." He returns to the room and drags a sack of rice towards the window. �You want hand-outs," he screams, �take this.� And he pours the sack into the street below, cackling gleefully, and chanting, �Stupid, everyone�s stupid except for me.� Quietly we record the scene. March 16: Our party is solemn, and full of contemplation, as we return home. To see humanity in its infancy can be a disturbing sight. I ask our anthropologist whether he is still of the view that this �Elliott" is morphologically similar to the koala. "A transitional type of koala, I think,� he finaly answers. "One that�s clearly off its tree.� Richard Glover presents Drive on 2BL-702. ------------------------------------------------------- RecOzNet2 has a page @ http://www.green.net.au/recoznet2 To unsubscribe from this list, mail [EMAIL PROTECTED], and in the body of the message, include the words: unsubscribe announce or click here mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?Body=unsubscribe%20announce This posting is provided to the individual members of this group without permission from the copyright owner for purposes of criticism, comment, scholarship and research under the "fair use" provisions of the Federal copyright laws and it may not be distributed further without permission of the copyright owner, except for "fair use."
