Well, I finally got one. I've been dodging it, left, right, up and down for quite some time. And I went for over 3 years doing this sport and lasted up to Mother's Day and Erica's birthday 2002, which were the same day this year, when she informed me she wanted a heart monitor for either day (she even told me I could get two credits with this present). So, to Long Rider's Gear I went and got Roger Rittenhouse's famous horse heart monitor, to please the wife and find out why everyone else on the endurance circuit thinks such a piece of equipment is absolutely necessary. And, like the computer and the cell phone (well, I'm still really bad with the cell phone), once you get a taste of the future, and find out that the darn thing is a lot sweeter than you expected (although I don't feel quite that way about the cell phone), if you're like me, you just might develop an addiction. And, like the sugar addict who can't stop buying candy and chocolate, or the new mother who just can't shut up about her cutsie baby, that's what I've become with this heart monitor. And, let me tell you why. I have this theory about weight. I think it's so darn important to the horse (the lighter, the better) that I'm going to prove it to ya'll using this heart monitor. I know I'm right, there's no friggen doubt in my mind, and to those of you disbelievers (and most of you are tiny hiney's who believe that weight is not all that important), I will provide scientific data, using the methods established by Mr. Ivers himself, that will show ya'll weight makes an incredible difference to a horse. My data will be provided by 4 different horses and 3 different riders. Jennifer, a 13 year old junior weighs in at 90 lbs, with tack. My wife, well I won't give you the exact figure just yet (I'm still awaiting take-off clearance from my air traffic controlling wife for this approval), is in the lightweight category. Me, I'm a six pack short of being a heavyweight, and all my horses are aware of this. They tell me every day when I saddle one of them up, "Hey, fat guy, how about putting that kid on my back today?" But, I won't use any conversations I have with my horses as scientific data, even though I know them to be factual. So, there you go. I used it today and kept looking at the watch so often, I missed seeing that water moccasin, just off to the right (luckily Princess saw the bugger and did an exit stage left), got smacked in the head twice by overhanging branches (you must wear a helmet when using a heart monitor; this rule must be made mandatory by AERC immediately), and didn't see that pickup truck barreling down the dirt road at 90 MPH (damn rednecks) cause I was looking at the watch saying, "Wow, Princess your heart rate is only........." and was rudely interrupted by this man's loud horn and heard him yell at me, "Quit looking at what time it is and pay attention to the road, idiot." I did notice Princess' heart rate spiked incredibly when the redneck yelled at us in such a manner, like it was our fault. "It's my new toy, so sorry to make you slow down to 80 to avoid hitting us," I responded. Then I let out with some expletives deleted and I was quite surprised to see this guy stop, turn around and come after us, especially when I said what I did about this man's mother. Since I didn't have my gun with me (due to my probation I'm no longer allowed to carry firearms), Princess and I hauled butt into the woods. Man, did her heart-rate go up then, and stayed that way till the redneck ran his truck into a ditch while chasing us. After he did this, I yelled out to him, "Do you want me to call you a tow truck?" (I had my cell phone with me; I'm heavily wired for communication during my training rides these days). Good thing I don't live in the mountains (not yet, anyway) or I'd probably ride off some cliff while looking at that watch (could you imagine what the horse's heart rate would be as we tumble down into oblivion?). Someday, like the computer, maybe, the novelty will wear off. Course, it's been 8 or 9 years, for me, on the computer, and that hasn't happened yet. I'll let you know. Stay tuned for my data. It's coming. Science, nothing but pure science. Thanks Roger, it's awesome. cya, Howard (PHD, as in "pulse, heart-rate data taker)
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