I was a bit too fast and euphoric :)
Now this works better:

  has_many :emails do
    def load_target
      super
      if not @loaded_link and proxy_owner.link.respond_to?(:emails)
        puts "loading link"
        @target += proxy_owner.link.emails
        @loaded_link = true
      end
      @target
    end
    def reset
      super
      @loaded_link = false
    end
  end


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