Help Ever Hurt Never This quotation appears to be in contradiction to the "You cannot always oblige, but you should always speak and act obligingly." By saying no to someone, it often appears that in doing so we hurt them. Yes, this is true if we refuse a request out of spite or a desire to hurt, or with a purely selfish motive, but there is also the danger of causing the other person to be selfish by being willing always to agree to their requests even when it is not right for us to do so. I was taught that selfishness was the worst sin and unselfishness the best virtue. I followed this direction for many years until I discovered, to my consternation, that I was enabling others to be selfish by "unselfishly" submitting to their demands. Again, seeking within for guidance and using discrimination can help us to determine how we should act in any given situation. Then, even if the other person's feelings are hurt, we must realize that only the ego is hurt, not the God-self. Obviously, this saying also has a much wider application. It requires that we be willing to consider other people's welfare and not be so self-involved. So, we need to ask what effect our actions have on others. Are we sufficiently aware of their needs? What can we do to help? What are their problems? Can we help them to find solutions? However, Baba does not suggest making others dependent on us. He advocates helping others to help themselves, so that they can eventually be independent of us and dependent only on their own God-self. Help - not charity!
