----Original Message Follows----
From: Anirvan Chatterjee <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: ASATA <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: [asata] Kashish Chopra -- Indian-Am. beauty pageants, queer visibility
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 17:04:48 -0800
Original article (and photo) at
http://news.asianweek.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=7ec4ddd3ebdd981ab135f1355a88c00e&this_category_id=169
"Miss India Comes Out:
Kashish Chopra defies the beauty queen stereotype"
from AsianWeek, 11/21/2003
By Joyce Nishioka
That Kashish Chopra was crowned second runner-up in the Miss India New
England Pageant isn't a surprise. Born and raised in Wheaton, Md., the
curvy, doe-eyed 19-year-old studied classical Indian music, she speaks
Hindi and, in May, she will graduate from college with degrees in
international business and philosophy.
But unlike other beauty queens, Chopra is also a lesbian. And she's
using her sash to let the South Asian American community know it's OK
to be gay.
"I speak about being gay in the context of Indian culture because
there are so many people who think that homosexuality goes against the
values of our culture," Chopra says. "Growing up gay is still
difficult. Growing up gay and Indian is a nightmare."
Since competing in the Miss India New England contest last spring,
Chopra has given talks on several college campuses and at Indian
cultural events to promote awareness of the South Asian lesbian, gay,
bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community. And in January, she will be a
speaker at the South Asian Awareness Network conference on the
University of Michigan campus.
Despite her conviction, she has yet to convince her parents. "They
used to tell me how proud they were of me, that I was a well-rounded,
wonderful daughter," she says. "But just the other day, they told me
directly that I don't uphold the values of my family and my
grandparents. It's very difficult for them. I know they love me, but
this isn't something that's acceptable.
"When you come out of the closet and you're Indian, your entire family
goes into the closet with you."
It's not that Chopra hid her sexuality to her parents. They just never
talked about it. "I hinted to my parents in high school, but I never
felt comfortable sitting them down and saying, 'Mom, Dad, we need to
talk about my lesbianism.' That just doesn't happen in Indian
families," she says.
But she did come out to her classmates -- in eighth grade, no less.
Attending Catholic school, she knew from a young age she was different
from the other girls. By the sixth grade, while her friends were
pairing up with boys, she had a crush on her teacher. "I didn't know
if something was wrong with me," she says. "I knew I was different,
and I did know I was gay, but I never said it aloud to anybody."
Soon, destructive thoughts consumed her. She remembers, "I knew, 'Yes,
there are gay people out there, but you've got to be kidding; could I
really be one of them? I'm growing up in a Catholic school; people
think I'm going to hell. People are not going to talk to me.'
"And hate crimes. I saw all the hate toward the community and I
thought, 'This is going to be my life. And I'm Indian, too. I don't
even think this is allowed for me.' "
Chopra was depressed and often thought about killing herself, but
somehow she found the strength to reveal her true self. "In sixth and
seventh grade, I was very angry and thought a lot about suicide," she
says. "I didn't understand why it had to be that way, not why I was
gay, but why being gay had to be so hard for people to accept, why I
would have to live a harder life than everyone else around me.
"In eighth grade, I told myself, 'I'm not going to hide who I am
because I'm scared of whether I will be accepted. I will find
acceptance only if I'm who I am.'
She was right. Rumors spread about her being a lesbian and she heard
the whispers, but she was also active in school, on the speech and
debate teams, on thehomecoming committee and in student government.
Some people couldn't believe that such a pretty girl could also be a
lesbian. They thought she was going through a phase, experimenting
with her sexuality.
"One of my friend's mother said, 'Kash is so beautiful. She doesn't
have to be a lesbian,' " she says. "I didn't know how to take that, if
it was a compliment or a putdown.
"Even now, people think because I'm feminine that I really am straight
or that I haven't met the right guy. Friends make fun of me and call
me a closet heterosexual. But sometimes you don't want to hear the
jokes because jokes do hurt after a while.
"The butch lesbians are the brunt of those jokes and they get so much
crap just because they're being who they are. I get a lot of crap,
too, because I'm feminine. The effeminate gays, the drag queens, the
transsexuals. And the bisexuals -- for god's sake -- they probably get
it worse than any of us because everyone thinks they're just greedy.
There are so many stereotypes."
Though Chopra isn't in a relationship at the moment, she has had
serious girlfriends, but none who have met her parents. "No, no. That
has never been an option. Most parents are worried about who their
daughter is going to bring home; putting lesbian into the profile ...
oh, my gosh," she laughs.
One of her parents' biggest worries was that their daughter would be
ostracized. But early on, Chopra found support from the non-Asian LGBT
community and more recently from South Asian American LGBT groups,
such as Boston MASALA.
"That has been an incredible supportive network," she says of Boston
MASALA. "The first time I went to a meeting was last year. I had never
been in a room of gay South Asians, and it was wonderful to me because
I finally realized there are people like me out there."
Along with goals of attending graduate school and teaching at a
university, Chopra wants to continue public speaking and eventually,
she would like to find a life partner.
"Little do my parents know that I do want to marry someone who is
Indian, someone who is a professional, someone with the same family
values," she says. "I want everything they would have wanted for me
but in a woman."
She remains hopeful that her parents will grow to accept her, adding,
"I want them to know that they didn't go wrong just because I'm gay."
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