FROM THE ONION
WASHINGTON, DC--According to results of a survey released Monday by the
Department Of Education, most U.S. teenagers characterize their education as
"fine."
The survey, conducted by the Office of Educational Research and Improvement
(OERI), polled more than 2,000 public-school attendees between the ages of
14 and 18. The students were asked a wide variety of questions about their
educational experience, ranging from the subjects they were studying to
their feelings about homework, to what they had for lunch that day.
To the question, "How was school today?" 68 percent of participants
responded "fine," while 18 percent answered "good" and 10 percent "okay."
The remaining 4 percent replied with a shrug.
"This is the highest 'fine' response we've ever gotten since these surveys
were first conducted in the 1960s," said Jeanette Franks, an OERI researcher
who supervised the survey. "By comparison, in last year's survey, just 44
percent said school was 'fine' today, while 41 percent said, 'ehh,' and 15
percent said, 'I 'unno.' This year, the 'I 'unnos' didn't even rank."
"The findings of this survey should be heartening to parents and educators
nationwide," Education Secretary Richard Riley said. "Children are our
greatest natural resource, and for a majority of them to feel that they are
receiving a fine education is wonderful news."
U.S. students also expressed optimism about their ability to succeed in
school. Asked if they expect to do well on upcoming algebra tests, 87
percent said, "Sure." Asked if they were prepared for English exams, 51
percent responded "Yeah" and 40 percent "I guess."
Students were even more enthusiastic about America's hard-working educators,
with 71 percent characterizing their social-studies teachers as "incredibly
fascinating" and earth-science teachers as "not at all boring." A full 82
percent said that their civics class is "so important, I don't want to miss
a second of it."
According to Franks, America's teens have an unusually strong sense of the
importance of their education and the vital role it plays in becoming
productive members of society.
"We asked our survey participants if what they were learning in school was
helping them become better people and giving them a sense of values and
concern for the community," Franks said. "A whopping 89 percent answered,
'Sure,' with the remaining 11 percent split among 'Yeah, sure,' 'Sure, I
guess,' and, 'Sure. Whatever.'"
Despite the welcome results, the Department Of Education is refusing to rest
on its laurels.
"Yes, my department is extremely pleased by the poll's results, but we still
have a long way to go," Riley said. "I, for one, will not rest until every
child in America feels that school is 'fine.' In this, the richest and most
powerful nation on the planet, no child should receive an education that is
merely 'ehh.' Our kids deserve better."
© Copyright 2001 Onion, Inc., All rights reserved.
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