Gotta git me one o' them-thar computers...
Brent Wodehouse <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
http://theprogrammingblog.com/jokes/things-computers-can-do-in-movies/
Writing by admin on Sunday, 8 of April , 2007
1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
3. Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
4. All monitors display inch-high letters.
5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such
governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical
interfaces.
6. Those that dont have graphical interfaces will have incredibly
powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and
execute commands typed in plain English.
7. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information
you want by simply typing, ACCESS THE SECRET FILES on any near-by
keyboard.
8. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply
typing UPLOAD VIRUS. (See Fortress.)
9. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the
villains desktop computer even if its turned off.
10. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen
changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it
doesnt go faster than you can read. (Really advanced computers will also
emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)
11. All computer panels operate on thousands of volts and have explosive
devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright
flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and an explosion that
causes you to jump backwards.
12. People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving the
data.
13. A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer in
the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.
14. You may bypass PERMISSION DENIED message by using the OVERRIDE
function. (See Demolition Man.)
15. Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average
minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems that can
run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset.
16. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be
accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to
transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
17. When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all control
panels will explode shortly before the entire building will.
18. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it
also disappears from the screen (See Clear and Present Danger).
19. If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a
password when you insert it.
20. Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the
manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See Independence Day.)
21. Computer disks will work on any computer has a floppy drive and all
software is usable on any platforms.
22. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have (See
Aliens.)
23. Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers
because the buttons have no labels except for the SELF-DESTRUCT button.
24. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying
three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capabilities.
25. Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and
performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.
26. Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that
it projects itself onto their face. (See Alien or 2001?)
27. Searches on the internet will always return what you are looking for
no matter how vague your keywords are. (See Mission Impossible, Tom
Cruise searches with keywords like file and computer and 3 results are
returned.)
"There is no reason Good can't triumph over Evil, if only angels will get
organized along the lines of the Mafia." -Kurt Vonnegut, "A Man Without A
Country"
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8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time
with theYahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
