Thank you, H'Wood. For frelling NOTHING.
Though this did answer one question for me. Thirteen was a robot. Makes so much sense... On Tue, Apr 27, 2010 at 12:33 AM, Mr. Worf <hellomahog...@gmail.com> wrote: > > > The 5 Worst Deaths Written for Great Characters (And Why) > By Travis Harder <http://www.cracked.com/members/TravisHarder> Apr 25, > 2010 747,920 views > [image: article image] > 1,233diggsdigg > > 421Share<http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cracked.com%2Farticle_18488_the-5-worst-deaths-written-great-characters-and-why.html&t=The%205%20Worst%20Deaths%20Written%20for%20Great%20Characters%20%28And%20Why%29%20%7C%20Cracked.com&src=sp> > > Death scenes are the kind of thing actors drool over. If your character has > to bite it, you want to go out like William Wallace, dammit! FREEEEDOOOOM!!! > > But occasionally you see a character die in an abrupt, pointless way that > seemed to have been written in as an afterthought, or even in such an > undignified way that you suspect the writers included it as a "screw you" to > the actor. > > Well, there's a reason for that. > #5. > Capt. James T. Kirk > > William Shatner played the same character for 28 years, and inspired > something like a religion. Somewhere, right now, a grown man is dressed in a > Captain Kirk uniform, probably while in a crowded room next to some other > guy dressed like a Klingon. So how did they send off the star of one of the > most popular and lucrative franchises in entertainment history? > > > Warning: May cause spontaneous uncontrollable arousal in women. > > The Death: > > They dropped a bridge on him. After decades of (sometimes shirtlessly) > tangling with the universe's biggest baddies and boning the hottest aliens, > Kirk leaves the mortal coil by way of subpar building construction codes. > > While watching *Star Trek: Generations* we *knew* something was wrong > when, during a face-off with the movie's main bad guy with Captain Picard, > Kirk tells Picard to hold off the bad guy for him. James T. Kirk passing the > chance to punch a dude? That's like a heroin addict saying, "Man, can you > shoot up my stash for me? I got an errand to run." > > > An addiction is an addiction. > > So instead Kirk goes to fetch a remote to disable the cloak on a bunch of > missiles Soran (the bad guy) was about to launch. The remote just so happens > to be on a rickety bridge and, as Kirk manages to make a final act of > disabling the cloaking system, the bridge collapses down a cliff, taking > Kirk with it. > > What Really Happened: > > First of all, it's clear that Kirk was shoehorned into the film only > because the suits weren't confident they could get people to watch a > Kirk-less *Star Trek* movie (Leonard Nimoy and DeForest Kelley both > refused to be in the > movie<http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Star_Trek_Generations>, > saying the crew got a perfectly good sendoff in *The Undiscovered Country*, > a film specifically written for that purpose). Then, when the writers were > sitting around brainstorming ideas for, you know, what to actually do with > him, somebody said, "Why don't we kill Kirk?" (yes, that's literally what > they said <http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Star_Trek_Generations>). > > So, they brought Shatner and Kirk back to the franchise specifically to > kill his ass, and thus wrote in a death for him where he... gets shot in the > back by the bad guy. > > They filmed it, too: > > That didn't make it into the movie because test audiences felt it wasn't > heroic enough <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111280/trivia>. So, grossly > misunderstanding that feedback, they had a rusty bridge accidentally fall on > him instead. Couldn't he at least been having sex with something at the > time? > > > Preferably not a bridge. > #4. > Scott Summers (aka Cyclops of the X-Men) > > Wolverine gets all the attention, but Cyclops *is* the X-Men's field > leader and second in command. Also, he can destroy a city block by taking > his sunglasses off. That should count for something, right? > > The Death: > > He dies in *X-Men: The Last Stand*. Well, that makes sense. It *is* the > last stand, after all. You see that on a poster and picture him and the rest > of his comrades going down in some kind of universe-saving blaze of glory. > > Then you watch and find out he dies in the first half hour. > > > Candid photo of Marsden's reaction to the script. > > He gets roughly five minutes of screen time, and never even suits up as > Cyclops (even though the promotional posters clearly show him suited up > X-Men style). Still depressed over the loss of his wife (Jean Grey, who died > in the second film), Cyclops goes to Alkali Lake, Canada, where she died, > despite Professor X's warnings. > > > That's what you get for ignoring Patrick Stewart. > > At the lake, he finds a very much alive Jean Grey standing there. After > asking the obvious question of "how are you alive?" they kiss and Cyclops > just explodes. Well, we assume. Cyclops wasn't even granted an on-screen > death. > > Then, back at the mansion, the X-Men hold a funeral for their fallen friend > and lead- > > Oh, wait, no. Actually, he's never mentioned again until the end of the > movie, where you see a brief glance of his tombstone. > > What Really Happened: > > Marsden was being unfaithful. He was cheating on the X-Men with another > comic book franchise, *Superman*. He didn't have much time on the set of > *X-Men: > The Last Stand* because he was cast in *Superman Returns*, which was > shooting at the same > time<http://www.moviedeaths.com/x-men:_the_last_stand/scott__%27cyclops%27_summers/> > . > > > How could this go wrong? > > Rumors floated around the Internet that Cyclops' death was intentionally > bad, as Fox was upset over Marsden's choice (*Superman Returns* was owned > by another studio and helmed by *X-Men* 1 and 2 director Bryan Singer). > While we are not ones to indulge in unconfirmed Internet rumors, yeah, > that's what probably happened. > > The bigger question is, why would Marsden do it? Keep in mind, he didn't > leave to *play* Superman, or Lex Luthor (possibly the only two characters > in the *Superman* universe worth playing). No, he bailed on being Cyclops > just to play the guy who bones Superman's girlfriend when Supe's is out of > town. There can't be much job security in stealing Superman's girlfriend. > > > I will rip off your dick and throw it into the sun. > #3. > Hicks, Newt and Bishop (*Aliens*) > > They are three of four survivors from *Aliens* (well, including the > android--does an android "survive" something?). The trio includes the little > girl whose safety is the driving motivation for the entire film, and the > robot who flew them all to salvation. > > > One of them was even on the damn poster. > > The Deaths: > > These are the only people on our list to not make it out of the opening > credits alive. > > In the opening minutes of *Alien 3*, while much of the audience was just > getting back from the popcorn counter, we see an alien face-hugger running > loose on the escape pod the heroes were sleeping in during the denouement of > the last movie. How will the gang get out of this one?! > > Ah, right. They won't. The pod crashes, killing Hicks and Newt and smashing > Bishop. Hicks was impaled by a support beam while Newt drowned when her pod > crashed into the ocean. > > What Really Happened: > > As for Newt, the issue was age. The little girl who played Newt in *Aliens > * had aged six years by the time the next movie was filmed and she wasn't > acting any more (*Aliens* is the only thing she was ever in). Well, not > having her in the movie is understandable. They didn't have to *murder a > child* just because they didn't feel like replacing the actress. > > > Happy endings don't exist in the *Alien* universe. > > As for the other two... there is no good answer. > > It's well known among sci-fi fans that the production of *Alien 3* was a > ridiculous carnival of > stupidity<http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,310615_3,00.html>. > David Fincher had been brought in at the last minute after *every single > other director in Hollywood* had been hired and eventually fired from the > project. At least four scripts had been written for the film, but 20th > Century Fox didn't like any of them, so producers Walter Hill and David > Giler took over and mashed up aspects from all the previous scripts. > > All of the terrible decisions that were made appear to be due to that > random, haphazard cobbling together of story elements. They had drafts that > didn't include Ripley at all. They had some that had Hicks as the main > character, with Ripley in a cameo (in fact, that was the case in the last > draft before the one that killed off > Hicks<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_3> > ). > > > Industry experts theorize, "God hates Michael Biehn." > > Thus the decision to kill him off--and reduce Bishop to a single scene > where he talks to Ripley from a pile of garbage--appeared to be a arbitrary, > last-minute choices made while slapping the story together. Michael Biehn > was so pissed off by it he demanded to get the same money for the few > seconds they used his likeness in the opening scene that he was paid to > co-star in *Aliens*. > > Don't worry, Michael, we're pretty sure you got out of the franchise just > in time. > > > There are worse things than death. > <http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/aclk?sa=l&ai=B-T_l8mjWS53NBYymrAPNh9ThAd-ahtIBj6uUzROL19PNEwAQARgBINWK1xA4AFCQxe_G_P____8BYMnGzYbIo6AZsgEPd3d3LmNyYWNrZWQuY29tugEBMMgBAtoBXWh0dHA6Ly93d3cuY3JhY2tlZC5jb20vYXJ0aWNsZV8xODQ4OF90aGUtNS13b3JzdC1kZWF0aHMtd3JpdHRlbi1ncmVhdC1jaGFyYWN0ZXJzLWFuZC13aHkuaHRtbJgCtAbAAgTIAqfP4xSoAwHoA-cE6AO-AugDtgHoA7gB9QMAAAFE9QMAAgAA&num=1&sig=AGiWqtzxpnY9Nu7LtQsSNNqYzp23vwW7YQ&client=ca-cracked_html&adurl=http://ad.doubleclick.net/clk%3B224221928%3B47962220%3Bd%3Fhttp://www.theoutnet.com/Content/herveleger%3Fcm_mmc%3DGoogleContentNetwork-_-Banner-_-HerveLeger300x250-_-BannerSize300x250> > > - First > - Previous > - Page 1 of 2 > - > Next<http://www.cracked.com/article_18488_the-5-worst-deaths-written-great-characters-and-why_p2.html> > - > Last<http://www.cracked.com/article_18488_the-5-worst-deaths-written-great-characters-and-why_p2.html> > > > > -- > Celebrating 10 years of bringing diversity to perversity! > Mahogany at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mahogany_pleasures_of_darkness/ > > -- "If all the world's a stage and we are merely players, who the bloody hell wrote the script?" -- Charles E Grant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQUxw9aUVik
