Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought @Wily: Considering his recent banning from Alter Aeon and the very much available board post detailing it, original post or not, his unstable state of mind should be clear enough.Although editing the post, and to something this weird, just...makes it look stupid. But oh well. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=290753#p290753 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought The replies speaks for itself, editing the post wont' help URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=290747#p290747 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Well To an extent defender is correct. Any psychologist will tell you that most mental illnesses are exaggerations or conflations of the normal. My dad however worked on a very siple principle "Is it harming yourself or others" which to both Lord Lundin and Crashmaster, it sounds as if it does. If there is some sort of event, eg, a form of abuse that might be causing this it might be helpful to locate a community who deal with that sort of abuse generally, sinse abuse survivers tend to be an understanding bunch on average and such places tend to be extremely safe and very good for venting, exploring dark and twisted parts of yourself so you can bring them into the light, or just being able to say things you wouldn't say in a normal social situation, on or off line. I would however suggest looking for some assistance. I do not agree with defender that medication is the only! approach. It might be useful for a while, but it's not a wonder drug. You dont' magically take some pills over some time and suddenly get better, medication just makes it easier to cope with everything else and set things in place to improve your life and social circumstances, maybe have some sort of therapy at the same time. The bottom line however is that you need to do! something about this. You have recognized there is a problem and something wrong, however it's now necessary to try and do something about it, which could take seeing a doctor, contacting someone for assistance, trying to change your life style somewhat, or indeed any and all of the above. No, it's not easy, but it's not impossible either. Btw,On one point I can say one thing. Anyone on this forum behaving maliciously with this situation will be in severe trouble. Myself and the other staff do have a duty to see members are okay, which includes when discussing psychological problems. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246680#p246680 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Nods, yeah, sorry, it came off like I was considering pills as the only way, but what I meant was that you should probably go with those first to make it easier to actually accomplish anything with therapy, since, and I'm speaking from experience here, it's hard to get your head out of your ass enough to truly understand and discuss your issues when you are still in the midst of being controlled by them.That said, it's different for each person, but I do tend to notice that trend with people that say they've tried talking before to no avail, and so have given up on it as a solution, my self included, but haven't really thought through the fact that it's obviously very difficult to talk about the comparison between your normal state and your altered state, when you've been this way for so long that you can't even remember what it's like to feel the way you used too any more. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246726#p246726 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Nods, yeah, sorry, it came off like I was considering pills as the only way, but what I meant was that you should probably go with those first to make it easier to actually accomplish anything with therapy, since, and I'm speaking from experience here, it's hard to get your head out of your ass enough to truly understand and discuss your issues when you are still in the midst of being controlled by them.That said, it's different for each person, but I do tend to notice that trend with people that say they've tried talking before to no avail, and so have given up on it as a solution, my self included, but haven't really thought through the fact that it's obviously very difficult to talk about the comparison between your normal state and your altered state, when you've been this way for so long that you can't even remember what it's like to feel the way you used too any more.So no, pills aren't the end all and be all fix, but if you take them for a month or so before trying to explain your underlying problems to someone else, it could give you the push that you need to do that. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246726#p246726 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Hi lord london.Ok reread your post because yesterday was update day and I had lots to do so I couldn't touch fully on it.Trust, hmmm do I trust everyone?No, its an instinct maybe yours is stronger than mine.Brain sleep.I have issues sleeping period so does my brother, with me I wake up randomly with him he can't sleep and when he does he does not wake up wasting half days doing so.The rest.I rarely get that angry my brother does at times put me in a corner trying to accuse me by telling me off about something he thinks I did, and therefore I feel justified to defend myself.Ofcause it never goes well and its something I have got used to but it can get hard sometimes.I can't help you with everything though.How much time do you spend online?My advice is to take a break from the online part.Shut down your skype twitter and any other notification spewing program and step away for a bit its why I neve r did this.I do spend all day online but I really try to avoid it if and when I can.The rest I don't know.You obviously have some underlying issue, were you abbused at all?Attention, I must say I do like that, and when people are away I do feel pangs of needing attention.I can remember a story actually it was my life where I tried a student flat attached to my special school.Lets say this, bits were good bits were bad.In this flat we had skills to learn but things did not always go to plan.Bar me and a few others most did not pull their weight having me wash dishes for 5 hours.My flatters were.me a blind tech.a depressed suisidal that was always in a mood.a person that couldn't cook and didn't care.a person with epelepsy that kept falling down.an autistic with a brain of a child that thought everything was her fault.a guy that was ok for what he was worth.another guy that played keyboards and was generally rfun.a island girl that was fun but could get angry.an island guy that was a good friend, but was a wrebel and broke the rules getting suspended once for having a girl round, getting her pregnant and almost going to jail.I spent most of that time eating kfc, biscuits, cakes and chips seeing how many packets I could eat in 10 minutes.I was so bored I would sit online and listen to radio using up all the flats bandwidth.I got really fat.That has been the most depressed and bored I have ever been.I will never do it or flatting again!Then again I had a bad deal.I still maintain you probably feel the basic stuff I do though hyped.I wouldn't kill someone like that, ok maybe for like 10 minutes or less but a month of anger?I guess the closest I have come to actually killing someone is a family member that thinks all blind people are helpless and need help can't use a cane et c because it will cause issues.I know this person has low confidence issues, likes to rush and stress and won't change however when I do see here and live with her for a time as a result, life and her conversations are quite limited.I have to keep my vocal arguments to myself.Now thats as far as I can think of going with you.I do think we do feel neglected when left.I do feel like that when I am left but thats life it happens.I don't care to be alone though its my only real fear to be honest.It doesn't mean I need someone to be close to me but someone in the same building.I suggest you take something else off the computer and try to do that that way.But I think your cpu has more problems than my limited storage can actually help you with.I suggest you ask someone prefferably with cloud or collective intelegence to help you just don't ask the borg thats all. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246609#p246609 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Pretty fucked up shit, I have to say, but I mean, almost all of us have entertained sudden, powerful thoughts about commiting violent sexual acts on those who spurn us, having physical control over another who we dislike, brutally killing someone in a way that we've recently heard about happening to someone else, but they almost always pass very quickly and leave us feeling guilty, confused, and vaguely sickened afterwards.Those are the undeniable, primal urges that, no matter how hard we tried as a species, could not simply be swept under the rug with the progression of social structure, because we are still animals, who's emotions, thoughts, and actions can still be influenced by a sudden influx of the chemicals that are produced by our own bodies.However if they don't pass, if they persist over a significant length of time and incessantly hound you, it's time to talk to someone, period, before you do something that could ruin, or end, your life.< br />The fact that you instinctually understand that this is wrong however, actively seeking assistance to stop these feelings from overtaking you, means that you are clearly not a true sociopath or psychopath.Which I believe means that your true feelings about things, your core ethical structure and moral compass, the things that make you Human are still in tact inside, but are masked by an underlying mental illness or a significant chemical imbalance that has built up over time, possibly both, which is allot less uncommon than you may thinkPersonally, I don't think talking will help you, at least not right away, and I would instead focus on getting something to help balance those chemicals out, a controlled prescription, one given to you by a medical professional, and not a self medication like pot or boos, since they tend to only treat the symptoms and not the problem.You probably won't have to take it for the rest of your life either, it's generally 2 to 4 years unless it's something really serious, and almost certainly no more than once a day, as well, so there is no good excuse not to.It's vital that you do something about this though, and keep with it for as long as is needed, if not for you than for others, because if you are truly driven to do these things, then you will find a way, blind or not.Becoming what you fear most isn't worth the luxury of sitting on your ass wasting away, is what I'm trying to say, because that would probably be worse than just killing your self, or at least that's how I would see it if i was in your place, but you could probably prevent both of those things from happening if you made the effort. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246660#p246660 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Pretty fucked up shit, I have to say, but I mean, almost all of us have entertained sudden, powerful thoughts about commiting violent sexual acts on those who spurn us, having physical control over another who we dislike, brutally killing someone in a way that we've recently heard about happening to someone else, but they almost always pass very quickly and leave us feeling guilty, confused, and vaguely sickened afterwards.Those are the undeniable, primal urges that, no matter how hard we tried as a species, could not simply be swept under the rug with the progression of social structure, because we are still animals, who's emotions, thoughts, and actions can still be influenced by a sudden influx of the chemicals that are produced by our own bodies.However if they don't pass, if they persist over a significant length of time and incessantly hound you, it's time to talk to someone, period, before you do something that could ruin, or end, your life.< br />The fact that you instinctually understand that this is wrong however, actively seeking assistance to stop these feelings from overtaking you, means that you are clearly not a true sociopath or psychopath.Which I believe means that your true feelings about things, your core ethical structure and moral compass, the things that make you Human are still in tact inside, but are masked by an underlying mental illness or a significant chemical imbalance that has built up over time, possibly both, which is allot less uncommon than you may thinkPersonally, I don't think talking will help you, at least not right away, and I would instead focus on getting something to help balance those chemicals out, a controlled prescription, one given to you by a medical professional, and not a self medication like pot or boos, since they tend to only treat the symptoms and not the problem.You probably won't have to take it for the rest of your life either, it's generally 2 to 4 years unless it's something really serious, and almost certainly no more than once a day, as well, so there is no good excuse not to.It's vital that you do something about this though, and keep with it for as long as is needed, if not for you than for others, because if you are truly driven to do these things, then you will find a way, blind or not.Becoming what you fear most isn't worth the luxury of sitting on your ass wasting away, is what I'm trying to say, because that would probably be worse than just killing your self, or at least that's how I would see it if i was in your place, but you could probably prevent both of those things from happening if you made the effort.Saving your self is most certainly worth it, since you have no idea what you might become some day, weather it's a simple thing, like being a good neighbor and friend, someone that helps strangers out when they are in need without expecting anythi ng in return, even just being good at your job; or if you'll end up being the next big inventor of something that helps people somehow, the leader of an important organization or movement, hell you may even win the lottery and donate most of your winnings to charity. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246660#p246660 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Pretty fucked up shit, I have to say, but I mean, almost all of us have entertained sudden, powerful thoughts about commiting violent sexual acts on those who spurn us, having physical control over another who we dislike, brutally killing someone in a way that we've recently heard about happening to someone else, but they almost always pass very quickly and leave us feeling guilty, confused, and vaguely sickened afterwards.Those are the undeniable, primal urges that, no matter how hard we tried as a species, could not simply be swept under the rug with the progression of social structure, because we are still animals, who's emotions, thoughts, and actions can still be influenced by a sudden influx of the chemicals that are produced by our own bodies.However if they don't pass, if they persist over a significant length of time and incessantly hound you, it's time to talk to someone, period, before you do something that could ruin, or end, your life.< br />The fact that you instinctually understand that this is wrong however, actively seeking assistance to stop these feelings from overtaking you, means that you are clearly not a true sociopath or psychopath.Which I believe means that your true feelings about things, your core ethical structure and moral compass, the things that make you Human are still in tact inside, but are masked by an underlying mental illness or a significant chemical imbalance that has built up over time, possibly both, which is allot less uncommon than you may thinkPersonally, I don't think talking will help you, at least not right away, and I would instead focus on getting something to help balance those chemicals out, a controlled prescription, one given to you by a medical professional, and not a self medication like pot or boos, since they tend to only treat the symptoms and not the problem.You probably won't have to take it for the rest of your life either, it's generally 2 to 4 years unless it's something really serious, and almost certainly no more than once a day, as well, so there is no good excuse not to.It's vital that you do something about this though, and keep with it for as long as is needed, if not for you than for others, because if you are truly driven to do these things, then you will find a way, blind or not.Becoming what you fear most isn't worth the luxury of sitting on your ass wasting away, is what I'm trying to say, because that would probably be worse than just killing your self, or at least that's how I would see it if i was in your place, but you could probably prevent both of those things from happening if you made the effort.Saving your self is most certainly worth it, since you have no idea what you might become some day, weather it's a simple thing, like being a good neighbor and friend, someone that helps strangers out when they are in need without expecting anythi ng in return, even just being good at your job; or if you'll end up being the next big inventor of something that helps people somehow, the leader of an important organization or movement, hell you may even win the lottery and donate most of your winnings to charity, but you'll never get the chance to look back on this time in your life and take satisfaction in overcoming it if you give up now. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246660#p246660 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Pretty fucked up shit, I have to say, but I mean, almost all of us have entertained sudden, powerful thoughts about violent sexual acts, physical power over another who we dislike, brutally killing someone in a way that we've recently heard about happening to someone else, but they almost always pass very quickly and leave us feeling guilty, confused, and vaguely sickened afterwards.Those are the undeniable, primal urges that, no matter how hard we tried as a species, could not simply be swept under the rug with the progression of social structure, because we are still animals, who's emotions, thoughts, and actions can still be influenced by a sudden influx of the chemicals that are produced by our own bodies.However if they don't pass, if they persist over a significant length of time and incessantly hound you, it's time to talk to someone, period, before you do something that could ruin, or end, your life.The fact that you instinctually unde rstand that this is wrong however, actively seeking assistance to stop these feelings from overtaking you, means that you are clearly not a true sociopath or psychopath.Which I believe means that your true feelings about things, your core ethical structure and moral compass, the things that make you Human are still in tact inside, but are masked by an underlying mental illness or a significant chemical imbalance that has built up over time, possibly both, which is allot less uncommon than you may thinkPersonally, I don't think talking will help you, at least not right away, and I would instead focus on getting something to help balance those chemicals out, a controlled prescription, one given to you by a medical professional, and not a self medication like pot or boos, since they tend to only treat the symptoms and not the problem.You probably won't have to take it for the rest of your life either, it's generally 2 to 4 years unless it's something really serious, and almost certainly no more than once a day, as well, so there is no good excuse not to.It's vital that you do something about this though, and keep with it for as long as is needed, if not for you than for others, because if you are truly driven to do these things, then you will find a way, blind or not.Becoming what you fear most isn't worth the luxury of sitting on your ass wasting away, is what I'm trying to say, because that would probably be worse than just killing your self, or at least that's how I would see it if i was in your place, but you could probably prevent both of those things from happening if you made the effort. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246660#p246660 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Pretty fucked up shit, I have to say, but I mean, almost all of us have entertained sudden, powerful thoughts about commiting violent sexual acts on those who spurn us, having physical control over another who we dislike, brutally killing someone in a way that we've recently heard about happening to someone else, but they almost always pass very quickly and leave us feeling guilty, confused, and vaguely sickened afterwards.Those are the undeniable, primal urges that, no matter how hard we tried as a species, could not simply be swept under the rug with the progression of social structure, because we are still animals, who's emotions, thoughts, and actions can still be influenced by a sudden influx of the chemicals that are produced by our own bodies.However if they don't pass, if they persist over a significant length of time and incessantly hound you, it's time to talk to someone, period, before you do something that could ruin, or end, your life.< br />The fact that you instinctually understand that this is wrong however, actively seeking assistance to stop these feelings from overtaking you, means that you are clearly not a true sociopath or psychopath.Which I believe means that your true feelings about things, your core ethical structure and moral compass, the things that make you Human are still in tact inside, but are masked by an underlying mental illness or a significant chemical imbalance that has built up over time, possibly both, which is allot less uncommon than you may thinkPersonally, I don't think talking will help you, at least not right away, and I would instead focus on getting something to help balance those chemicals out, a controlled prescription, one given to you by a medical professional, and not a self medication like pot or boos, since they tend to only treat the symptoms and not the problem.You probably won't have to take it for the rest of your life either, it's generally 2 to 4 years unless it's something really serious, and almost certainly no more than once a day, as well, so there is no good excuse not to.It's vital that you do something about this though, and keep with it for as long as is needed, if not for you than for others, because if you are truly driven to do these things, then you will find a way, blind or not.Becoming what you fear most isn't worth the luxury of sitting on your ass wasting away, is what I'm trying to say, because that would probably be worse than just killing your self, or at least that's how I would see it if i was in your place, but you could probably prevent both of those things from happening if you made the effort.Saving your self from this crap is most certainly worth it, since you have no idea what you might become some day, weather it's a simple thing, like being a good neighbor and friend, someone that helps strangers out when they are in need without e xpecting anything in return, even just being good at your job; or if you'll end up being the next big inventor of something that helps people somehow, the leader of an important organization or movement, hell you may even win the lottery and donate most of your winnings to charity, but you'll never get the chance to look back on this time in your life and take satisfaction in overcoming it if you give up now. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246660#p246660 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought @crashmaster, it's not any fear really, I'm more like a Walking sleeping person.Haha, I know this topic is being spread around quite a bit, people snickering behind my back or whatever. To you, I'm just glad you're not me because you'd understand how Little effect your shit did on me, maybe it pales to the rest of the things on me right now.I don't know what else to write for now. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246586#p246586 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought You should absolutely see a therapist. I went to one for a couple months last year because of some relationship issues I was having, and it really did help. I wish I could've gone longer, but had to stop because of insurance coverage. Also dark is absolutely correct, medication might be a good thing for you. While I don't take any myself, I know a couple people who do and it really stabelizes them and makes them able to function. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246490#p246490 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Hi.[[wow]], Well I have the same as you have.I did post a ranty on this just now but never submitted it so I could post it without all the extra rambling.Thing is what you have is quite normal for anyone with any dissability mental, or physical.I spend time talking to myself fiddling with sounds imagining things and at night to.But I go blank when going to put those to the processer.I have an idea that after living a life of sorts I will end up in some place full of helpless people like me and that because I am blind thats all I will eventually be.This is probably fear of the unknown a thing one such as myself probably has more reason to think about having more time than able boddied indeviduals.Relationship wise, I do worry about my contribution.Its all equal now but it used to be that the woman cared for the children and cooked and looked pritty.The man did all the building, work and handy stuff.Its something I ha ve largely accepted I will not be able to do.However I don't want to berdon anyone as such and I fear that.In times when the weather is bad or late at night I wander what the point is and if I killed myself now would anyone give a damn.This lasts the night or till the weather passes but it doesn't stay, and is probably again my fear of the future.Another one is that after hearing news about certain island peoples in the country, some of which are unsavery and in a certain reagon of the city, I hear so much that I wander if someone will come in the dead of night and do me in or something.But thats probably because I wake up in the middle of the night and again is unknown fear rather than actual problems.For now I live at home so I don't have to handle a lot of things but later on that may change.I do wander a lot and this may be your issue to.Especially when people are away I am trying to think if I have locked ever ything or turned things off before going to bed especially when quiet.This never happens in the day when its light.On the other hand, I have had grand parents in the family die.As soon as they stop speaking for ever I feel sad.I remember the old times but never the end.One lot died on christmas day, every christmas my grandpa says he does not enjoy it anymore and others say that we should feel sad because others have died.For me though its almost like the part of them going is gone, they are gone, well so what, they don't exist, so they don't mean anything to me anymore if they even did.I remember memmories of when I was yung sure, but they may as well have been something I read from a book.With nothing to interact with its just a story now I am sure its got to do with seeing whatever it is as well as hearing it and probably has to do with why I can't complete such things as essays.I probably could get it fix ed but I don't know if it matters much.So lord lundon you are not alone in your fears. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246511#p246511 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought @Sterlock, on the issue of medication it's not so much that it makes you stable, more that sinse the desired result of any medication is being more stable and coping better with the negative thoughts and feelings in order to have a good life, a good psychiatrist will work it out to do that. Think of it this way, if a person takes paracetamol for a headache but finds the paracetamol don't do it for them, they may go and take anedin instead which did. Psychiatric meds are the same. A person goes off and takes something for a while, then the psychiatrist talks to them and checks the stuff is working or if the dose needs adjusting or if another drug might be needed. It's all about helping to keep things in perspective and get to a point where other bad things can! be dealt with. Btw, my father was a psychiatric nurse for 20 years, hence why I am familiar with the process of diagnosis, quite apart from the fact I've also had friends who 39;ve been on medication. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246493#p246493 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Hello lord London;Have you thought about going to a therapist or councilor? I know people don't like to hear that kind of stuff but from what I'm reading it might be a good step for you.I don't think you thinking of killing her and so on is good, but at least you're not doing it and just thinking it. I don't know how to help apart from to say that you might want to talk to a professional who might be able to help with these kind of things. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246343#p246343 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Hm I'm not sure really what to write, nor why I'm writing this.My mind has gone into sleep, I can talk to people, I can have logical vocal arguments, but I can't really write anymore.I've got lots, and lots of ideas but they never seem to fit on a paper. It's like I have a piece of text in my head, a lyrics or a nice way to describe a scene in another piece of text I might be wanting to write, but before I put it to paper I riddicule myself and say this is stupid and lacks a depth.Ok so brain's gone to sleep in that way, but in the last 6 months or so I discovered a few rather unpleasant things about myself.* I can't keep a normal friendly relationship with women.* I don't really trust anyone fully. I could write a whole book about what happened this summer, and that spilled over to autumn and winter and poisoned me, but I won't atm. I've done it too many times already.* I am constant ly looking for admiration, approval, and someone to love me. I am afraid that I'll be that kinda person that keeps someone tide up in a basement and demands total obedience.* when I don't trust someone or feel neglected (it was a girl this summer), I rage on her, I troll others to get attention, and what do I do. During this summer it was a constant cycle of auww I trust you, you're probably the first person I trust. Oh shiiit I feel like sht and you're not talking to me, what's wrong with me? Do you hate me? Hello? Oh for fucks sake I've been trying to contact you for the whole day, I even declined the offer to go on a boat trip to a remote island to eat lunch there, I stayed here just to talk to you and ... ugg I don't know what to do. And then it's back to, hey I'm sorry, you know I've got trust issues and I ... don't know, I guess you're the first that I ever really felt was my friend.Eventually, altho ugh she constantly forgave me and just put it behind, it got into the relation. She didn't feel safe around me (well, it was through skype and so), and I felt like shit cause I couldn't understand why. I mean the logic of it was obvious but it still hurt because it was my opinion that since she knew the reasons why I acted the way I did, it shouldn't bother her. Eventually it was too much, she blocked me and ignored me and that's when I discovered the sweet, lovely Andreas ...There wasn't a day when I didn't dream about killing her, I had one very specific daydream about having her kidnapped and dragged out to a little hut in the forest where I'd torture her. All of this I did, I turned all the feelings for her around in myself and just despised her and the rest of the world.That month was a very strange one for me, I felt a lot like my old self, back in those "old swamp days", just so much more extreme. My anger was under th e skin all the time, it was a constant feever and you didn't want to approach me for the fear that I might take out some of it. To me, the world would one day be my toybox where I could terrorize as I wanted to.So anyway that month passed, we talked again but all was changed. I quickly fell back to my old habbits of liking and loving her, but with a twist. I'd gone too far. I had lost all respect for myself, so I didn't really care anymore. Now I was just a creepy stalker I guess.I suppose there's no need to describe christmas and what happened with this person then and, well a lot of bullshit happened. It's erelevant and don't think it changed a lot actually.Now she's pissed at me, doesn't want to talk to me because I freaked out again, and this time I said to myself, fuck it I'm taking distance. I do it now because well, she now is occupied with a friend of mine.It's a strange feeling to thin k that if you hadn't been that fucked, a victim of your own sociallization, we'd be reevaluating each other's interests in the other again.Ok that was an unnecessary long backstory but like I said, trying to distance myself now and not talk to her. When I start talking about her I won't stop, think that's the only thing I'm good at now. That, and singing, so gonna do that now, gonna try to learn blood fire death by bathory. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246335#p246335 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought @brad, sadly I Think that's only cause we have the World between us.Btw, this is thetruegamer who got a name change (fucking finally got rid of that stupid shit), I've Went to psychologists and ... I might see a psychiatrist or something.Don't know where to turn but shrugs. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246346#p246346 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought HI,Life will be going on, day after day, hour after hour, and minute after minute. That all time is wholly filled with experiences that you may or may not enjoy. Experiences, which, sometimes get you higher and higher, to the point where you think you could change a whole world. Other times you feel, so, so down where you come to think that you are the least useful person in the world. Everything you do should be governed by decisiveness, determination and assurance. We have an _expression_ here, and I think it should exist in all cultures of the world, which states, “Be on your feet”. I mean, be sure of what you think to do and take up. If you want to live with your favorite girl, help yourself and take on consequences that will come before the decision is made. If you want to attend a dam difficult university, go and do it without getting perplexed. I have my closest friend whom I really admire for his talent on music, but he is so undetermined of what he says and does that he will say to you yes by 8:00 in the morning, maybe at 12, and no in the afternoon. By the end of the day, if you talk to him, he will tell you that he’s the most stupid person in the world and he’ll start looking upon you.It’s very sad that many people, cannot take the time to take a step back, reflect, think and decide. My bro, life is very simple and definitely enjoyable in the early 20s but I tell you that it is absolutely different when you set up your own family. Many young teachers here told me, enjoy your life as much as you can because it is the most beautiful time of your life. When you get married, you have to care and be responsible for your family, maybe for your children.So, do not put yourself so badly under destructive levels of stress because it will have a considerable negative impact in your life. Do whatever your heart wants, talk to your nearest and dearest, come together with your friends and enjoy the time being with them.On another note, I’d not recommend you create some troll to get one girl on your arms. It is absolutely the worst method of owning someone, surely, if the girl is not stupid.Cheers and good luck! URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246350#p246350 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
wow, I'm more fucked than I thought Hm I'm not sure really what to write, nor why I'm writing this.My mind has gone into sleep, I can talk to people, I can have logical vocal arguments, but I can't really write anymore.I've got lots, and lots of ideas but they never seem to fit on a paper. It's like I have a piece of text in my head, a lyrics or a nice way to describe a scene in another piece of text I might be wanting to write, but before I put it to paper I riddicule myself and say this is stupid and lacks a depth.Ok so brain's gone to sleep in that way, but in the last 6 months or so I discovered a few rather unpleasant things about myself.* I can't keep a normal friendly relationship with women.* I don't really trust anyone fully. I could write a whole book about what happened this summer, and that spilled over to autumn and winter and poisoned me, but I won't atm. I've done it too many times already.* I am constant ly looking for admiration, approval, and someone to love me. I am afraid that I'll be that kinda person that keeps someone tide up in a basement and demands total obedience.* when I don't trust someone or feel neglected (it was a girl this summer), I rage on her, I troll others to get attention, and what do I do. During this summer it was a constant cycle of auww I trust you, you're probably the first person I trust. Oh shiiit I feel like sht and you're not talking to me, what's wrong with me? Do you hate me? Hello? Oh for fucks sake I've been trying to contact you for the whole day, I even declined the offer to go on a boat trip to a remote island to eat lunch there, I stayed here just to talk to you and ... ugg I don't know what to do. And then it's back to, hey I'm sorry, you know I've got trust issues and I ... don't know, I guess you're the first that I ever really felt was my friend.Eventually, altho ugh she constantly forgave me and just put it behind, it got into the relation. She didn't feel safe around me (well, it was through skype and so), and I felt like shit cause I couldn't understand why. I mean the logic of it was obvious but it still hurt because it was my opinion that since she knew the reasons why I acted the way I did, it shouldn't bother her. Eventually it was too much, she blocked me and ignored me and that's when I discovered the sweet, lovely Andreas ...There wasn't a day when I didn't dream about killing her, I had one very specific daydream about having her kidnapped and dragged out to a little hut in the forest where I'd torture her. All of this I did, I turned all the feelings for her around in myself and just despised her and the rest of the world.That month was a very strange one for me, I felt a lot like my old self, back in those "old swamp days", just so much more extreme. My anger was under th e skin all the time, it was a constant feever and you didn't want to approach me for the fear that I might take out some of it. To me, the world would one day be my toybox where I could terrorize as I wanted to.So anyway that month passed, we talked again but all was changed. I quickly fell back to my old habbits of liking and loving her, but with a twist. I'd gone too far. I had lost all respect for myself, so I didn't really care anymore. Now I was just a creepy stalker I guess.I suppose there's no need to describe christmas and what happened with this person then and, well a lot of bullshit happened. It's erelevant and don't think it changed a lot actually.Now she's pissed at me, doesn't want to talk to me because I freaked out again, and this time I said to myself, fuck it I'm taking distance. I do it now because well, she now is occupied with a friend of mine.It's a strange feeling to thin k that if I hadn't been that fucked, a victim of my own sociallization, we'd be reevaluating each other's interests in the other one by now.Ok that was an unnecessary long backstory but like I said, trying to distance myself now and not talk to her. When I start talking about her I won't stop, think that's the only thing I'm good at now. That, and singing, so gonna do that now, gonna try to learn blood fire death by bathory.Edit: the lyrics is hard to remember because he compromises it a lot in the song and his English accent is horrible. URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246335#p246335 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought
Re: wow, I'm more fucked than I thought @Lord Lundin, combined with the description you have of thoughts spinning around in your mind and being unable to settle, I wonder if this is a simptom of something else wrong. Perhaps it'd be worth talking to a psychiatrist, just to get some sort of perspective on the situation and on the things your thinking. You clearly know something is not right, which is credit to you and your self knolidge, now is the time to do something about it, both for your own sake and peace of mind, and that of those you care about sinse it does sound like something in you caused this good relationship to go wrong. I'll also add that in my limited experience, this sounds like it could be something that might be eased with medication. I know "medication" in films sounds really scary, but as I believe I said in another topic, it really isn't, it just makes things a little calmer and easier to deal with to give you time and space to look at things coherently w ithout going quite as far up the twister (as Steven King once put it, he was talking about alcohol but the same applies to any destructive thought pattern). URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=246353#p246353 ___ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
